Why Some Billionaires Seem Miserable

There’s a persistent cultural narrative that something is inherently wrong with rich people. From the New Testament’s warning about how hard it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God, to Scrooge in A Christmas Carol, to Steve Jobs’ infamous intensity and cruelty, we see archetypes of the wealthy as selfish, mean, and—most importantly—unhappy.

Sure, some of this comes from envy and the societal belief that wealth requires stepping on others. But I think the root of this perception goes deeper. It’s tied to the difference between two often-confused concepts: meaning and purpose.

Happiness, in my view, is built on two foundations: meaning and purpose. While most people assume these are interchangeable, they couldn’t be more distinct. Let me explain.

What’s the Difference Between Meaning and Purpose?

Meaning is about how we interpret our past. It’s the story we tell ourselves about who we are and why we’ve become the person we are today. People who are happy often tell themselves a heroic story—they overcame challenges, rose above adversity, and proved to themselves that they were “enough.”

On the other hand, unhappy people often construct victim narratives. They focus on their traumas and see themselves as thwarted by life, as fundamentally “not enough.” These narratives shape not just how we see our past but how we approach our present and future.

Purpose, by contrast, is about action. It’s forward-looking and focused on what we do in the present to create fulfillment. I refer to this as “little p purpose” in my book The Purpose Code—the kind of purpose that comes from activities and passions that light us up.

While meaning is a journey through time, purpose is about the actions we take today. Both are essential to happiness, but problems arise when we neglect one for the other.

Source: Lenalensen/Pixabay

Why Wealth Can’t Fill a Meaning Gap

To understand why some of the wealthiest people seem so miserable, let’s return to Steve Jobs. Few people have achieved more extraordinary success than Jobs, yet his reputation for being difficult, angry, and, at times, downright cruel reveals a man struggling deeply with feelings of unworthiness.

Part of this struggle can be traced back to his childhood. Jobs was adopted, and while he spoke openly about being loved by his adoptive parents, he also grappled with feelings of abandonment. Being placed for adoption left an indelible mark. Subconsciously, many adoptees internalize a sense of rejection, a belief that they weren’t “enough” to keep their birth parents.

This likely shaped Jobs’ self-perception. Without a healthy sense of meaning—a belief that he was inherently worthy—he may have turned to purpose as a way to prove his value to the world. He set audacious goals, creating revolutionary technologies like the iPhone and building Apple into one of the most successful companies in history.

But here’s the problem: You can’t purpose your way to “enough.”

The Trap of Big “P” Purpose

Jobs’ relentless pursuit of excellence is an example of what I call Big “P” Purpose. This is purpose on an outsized scale: creating groundbreaking innovations, earning billions, or becoming a world leader. It’s often driven by a need to prove worthiness rather than a genuine joy in the process.

For people like Jobs—or the fictional Scrooge—Big “P” Purpose offers fleeting satisfaction. They achieve their massive goals, feel a brief surge of accomplishment, and then sink back into the same sense of emptiness. Why? Because the underlying issue hasn’t been addressed.

Without meaning, purpose becomes a treadmill. You’re constantly running, trying to achieve the next big thing, hoping it will finally bring fulfillment. But no matter how fast you go, you never arrive.

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The Path to True Happiness

Happiness requires both meaning and purpose. If you’re missing one, the other can’t fully compensate. To find lasting fulfillment, you need to address both.

The first step is working on meaning. If you’ve internalized a victim narrative or carry unresolved trauma, it’s essential to rewrite the story you tell yourself about your past. This is where techniques like narrative therapy can be transformative.

Narrative therapy helps you reframe the difficult events in your life. Instead of seeing yourself as a victim, you learn to view yourself as the hero who overcame those challenges. For example, an adoptee like Steve Jobs could work through feelings of rejection and see his adoption not as a mark of unworthiness but as part of a story of resilience and love.

Once you’ve addressed meaning, you can approach purpose with joy rather than as a proving ground. Instead of chasing Big “P” Purpose to validate your worth, you can focus on Little “p” Purpose—pursuing passions and activities that light you up, regardless of how audacious or impressive they seem to others.

What We Can Learn From Jobs and Scrooge

The archetypes of Jobs and Scrooge teach us a critical lesson: success alone can’t make you happy. It’s not the billions or the accolades that fulfill us; it’s how we interpret our lives and the joy we find in our daily actions.

If you’re chasing Big “P” Purpose to prove your worthiness, stop and ask yourself: What story am I telling about my past? Do I see myself as a victim, or can I reframe my experiences to see myself as a hero?

Happiness doesn’t come from proving yourself to others. It comes from believing, deep down, that you were always enough—and letting that belief guide you to actions that bring you joy.

By focusing on both meaning and purpose, we can avoid the traps that have left so many successful people feeling unfulfilled. Instead, we can build lives that are not just successful but genuinely happy.