Breaking the Cycle of Generational Trauma

We often hear about generational trauma—the phenomenon in which traumatic experiences endured by one generation ripple down and affect subsequent generations. Stories of hardship, scarcity, and emotional scars are frequently featured in the media and popular psychology. However, what we seldom discuss is its powerful counterpart: generational growth.

Generational growth represents the opposite force. It’s the positive values, skills, and mindsets that are passed down through families, creating a legacy of resilience, purpose, and fulfillment. While generational trauma might capture the headlines, generational growth is equally impactful and can shape lives for the better. To understand this dynamic, I’ll share two personal stories—one about trauma and one about growth—that highlight the lasting influence of these forces.

The Weight of Generational Trauma

My maternal grandmother was born in the early 1900s and emigrated from Syria to the United States. Tragedy struck during the 1918 flu pandemic when her mother died. Her father, overwhelmed by the burden of caring for multiple children alone, placed her in an orphanage where she spent the remainder of her childhood. This was also during the Great Depression, a time when scarcity defined daily life.

My grandmother’s experience of not having enough money or food deeply influenced her worldview. She developed habits and fears centered around scarcity and survival, which she passed down to her children, including my mother. My mom remembers finding hidden stashes of food and money around the house—precautions born of my grandmother’s fear that hardship could strike at any moment.

Tragedy revisited our family when my father died suddenly at age 40, leaving my mother to raise three boys alone. This reinforced her own scarcity mindset. She instilled in me a deep fear of running out of resources, even when it wasn’t rational. I eventually became a physician and earned more than enough to live comfortably, but the fear persisted. Despite financial security, I was reluctant to spend, haunted by the belief that it could all disappear. Generational trauma, though unspoken, became an undercurrent shaping my relationship with money and security.

The Power of Generational Growth

While my maternal grandmother’s story reflects trauma, my maternal grandfather’s story is one of growth. He had a love for math, a passion that he pursued as a CPA. In the 1950s, when my mother was a little girl, she would sit on his lap as he worked with spreadsheets. Back then, before computers, everything was written by hand in neat little boxes. He shared his joy in his work with her, explaining why he loved it so much.

That joy became contagious. My mother, inspired by his example, developed her own love for math and also became a CPA. As children often do, I tried on my mother’s identity as a math enthusiast, especially when I faced struggles of my own. I had a learning disability that made reading difficult, and while my classmates advanced through early readers, I was still fumbling with coloring books. But math was different. I excelled in math, and that success gave me the confidence to believe I could learn and grow despite my challenges.

Fast forward to my career as a doctor, a field that demands mathematical precision. In my early years as an attending physician, I encountered a patient who was repeatedly admitted to the hospital, severely dehydrated and on the brink of death. His case baffled us until I noticed a mathematical relationship between two of his lab results. That connection led to a rare diagnosis that was treatable with simple medication. He recovered and returned to his role as a preacher, working with homeless youth to provide shelter, social services, and employment.

Reflecting on this, I realized the profound ripple effects of generational growth. My grandfather’s love of math, shared with my mother, shaped my own skills and confidence. Decades later, those skills saved a life and indirectly impacted countless others through the preacher’s work. It’s like dropping a pebble into the ocean—the initial displacement of water spreads, forming waves that continue to touch distant shores, long after the pebble has sunk.

Choosing Growth Over Trauma

Generational trauma and generational growth are both legacies we inherit and pass on, but we have a choice in which one we amplify. Trauma often feels inevitable because it’s rooted in pain and survival. However, growth is just as natural and just as powerful. By pursuing what lights us up—our "little p purpose," as I like to call it—we create a positive legacy that can ripple through generations.

What does it mean to pursue "little p purpose"? It’s about engaging in process-oriented work, hobbies, or passions that bring us joy and meaning, even if they seem small or ordinary. For my grandfather, it was math. For others, it might be art, gardening, teaching, or simply showing kindness. These small acts of purpose have the power to inspire and uplift, creating generational momentum that counterbalances trauma.

The Legacy You Leave

My family’s story shows that generational trauma is real, but it’s not the whole story. Generational growth offers an equally compelling narrative—one of resilience, purpose, and hope. We all have the ability to pass on positive legacies by pursuing what we love and sharing it with others.

While trauma often demands healing and acknowledgment, growth invites us to build and nurture. It reminds us that the ripples of our actions extend far beyond our own lifetimes, touching people and places we may never see. By choosing growth, we ensure that our legacy isn’t defined by the hardships we’ve endured but by the joy, knowledge, and purpose we’ve cultivated.