21 Terms That Explain Modern Dating

When did finding love become so complex that it feels like a new dating term emerges seemingly every day?

You probably have heard some terms of “ghosting” and “love bombing.” However, others, such as “dry texting,” “rusting,” and “sweatpants theory,” are likely less familiar.

Especially if you’ve been away from dating for a while, it can feel like you have lots of catching up to do. Even if you’ve been dating, it can feel like a never-ending stream of new dating terms and trends to keep track of.

The Weird Terms Give Insights into Dating Trends

Much of the new dating vocabulary sounds odd (e.g., “zombieing”). However, these terms offer a glimpse into the changing landscape of modern dating itself.

While the convenience of modern technology makes connections more convenient than ever before, people are also lonelier (e.g., Anderl et al., 2023; MacDonald & Schermer, 2021). That sounds counterintuitive until you realize how many of the latest dating terms describe creative ways to end up alone by being “ghosted,” “cloaked,” “fizzled,” or “breadcrumbed.”

Despite concerns about loneliness, people are often reluctant to date because modern dating has introduced a new level of deceit. While it’s true that lying and misrepresentation have always been a part of dating, technology (especially on dating apps) has amplified the lies. For example, you could experience “kittenfishing,” “love bombing,” or “wokefishing.”

Finally, because modern dating is less reliant on physical proximity (i.e., partners living in the same hometown) it enables daters to keep their dating experiences separate from their everyday life. The result is that you can suffer the indignity of “pocketing” or “roaching.”

The Importance of Knowing the New Dating Terminology

Getting familiar with these terms will remove some of the mystery from dating and give you more confidence in navigating the sometimes confusing experience of modern dating.

Benching (verb): Keeping someone around as a backup option by stringing them along. (Also known as cushioning, back burner)

Example: She's benching me because she only texts when she's bored.

Breadcrumbing (verb): Leading someone on with daily check-ins or flirty messages with no intention of pursuing a real relationship.

Example: He's totally breadcrumbing me, giving me just enough to give me hope, but he has no plan for anything serious.

Cloaking (verb): No showing for a date and then blocking all communication.

Example: I showed up at the restaurant but got cloaked—I was blocked before I even had a drink.

Dry Dating (noun): Going on dates but not drinking alcohol to allow a more genuine and authentic connection. (Also known as sober dating)

Example: We decided to do a dry date this weekend to let us connect more naturally.

Dry-Texting (verb): Sending minimal effort short, limited, or non-enthusiastic responses in conversations due to a lack of interest or willingness to put in effort.

Example: Is this guy just a bad texter, or is he purposefully dry-texting me?

Fizzling (verb): Gradually losing interest in a relationship until it fades without formal closure. (Also known as slow fading)

Example: I don’t want to ghost them. I’m going to let fizzling run its course.

Future Proofing (verb): Prioritizing a potential partner’s long-term potential and alignment with your future goals.

Example: She’s future-proofing by focusing only on partners who share her ambition and life aspirations.

Ghosting (verb): When someone disappears and drops all communication out of nowhere without any explanation.

Example: After three amazing dates, she ghosted me, and I never heard from her again.

Hardballing (verb): From the start, being upfront and completely honest about what you want in a relationship.

Example: I was so sick of wasting time that I started hardballing on dates to weed out incompatible partners.

Kittenfishing (verb): A more subtle form of deceit where you mislead others (typically online) without any blatant lies or misrepresentations (I.e., it’s a less extreme version of catfishing).

Example: She kitten-fished me with some old pictures and slight exaggerations in her profile—it turns out she really doesn’t like to watch MMA fights.

Loud Looking (noun): Making it clear you’re keeping your options open and looking for a new partner (e.g., dressing or presenting yourself in an attention-grabbing way), sometimes while you’re still in a relationship.

Example: Even though he claimed he was happy in his relationship, his excessive commenting on other people's photos and flirting when he was out felt like he was loud looking.

Love-Bombing (verb): Giving someone excessive affection, attention, flattery, or gifts in a manipulative attempt to quickly win them over.
Example: In their first week together, he sent her dozens of flowers daily, wrote long love letters, and planned extravagant dates, which all felt like love bombing.

Orbiting (verb): Engaging with someone’s social media (e.g., liking photos, leaving an occasional comment) to stay on their radar but not initiating direct communication.

Example: This guy has been orbiting for months, liking my stories and photos, but hasn’t done anything else.

Pocketing (verb): Avoiding introducing a romantic partner to friends or family, effectively keeping the relationship hidden.

Example: I feel like she’s pocketing me because I haven’t met any of her friends.

Rizz (noun): A short form of charisma, a sense of charm or flirty behavior that allows the person to attract a partner easily.

Example: My friend has some serious rizz, he’s has no problem getting numbers when we’re out.

Roaching (verb): When you learn that someone you’re dating sees several people seriously and never tells you.

Example: I knew I was being roached when he casually mentioned that he has been dating a few other people for a while.

Rusting (verb): A combination of romanticizing and lusting after someone phase in long-term relationships where effort and excitement fade, leading to a sense of stagnation.

Example: I’m totally rusting over this guy at my gym who is not only hot but seems perfect.

Situationship (noun): A romantic (often physically intimate) relationship between two people who have not established clear labels or boundaries and have not defined the relationship.

Example: I don’t know what we are. I want a relationship, but this feels like a situationship.

Sweatpants Theory (noun): The idea that someone is comfortable (like when wearing sweatpants) and effortlessly being themselves in a way that makes them more attractive.

Example: I’m sick of all the effort involved with dating. I’m embracing the sweatpants theory, putting in less effort, and just being myself.

Wokefishing (verb): Characterizing yourself as having liberal or progressive values and beliefs to attract a partner when you don’t truly share those views.

Example: He claimed to care about climate change, but when we talked more I figured out he was wokefishing me.

Zombied (verb): When someone who previously ghosted you suddenly reappears, acting as if nothing happened. (Also known as submarining)

Example: After 6 months of complete no contact, he zombied me with a “good morning” text.

Facebook image: VikaNorm/Shutterstock