The Psychology of a Life Worth Living

I have now been studying suicidal suffering and the prevention of suicide for over 42 years. As a clinician, I have seen hundreds of patients who struggle with ending their life. I have led and co-led many funded clinical trials endeavoring to learn how to clinically decrease suffering and avert suicides. I lost a patient to suicide with whom I did psychological testing during my clinical internship. A half dozen of my patients in clinical practice have attempted suicide. Within our clinical trial treatment research over the years, we have lost five patients to suicide. These tragic deaths were suffering souls who had the courage to seek help and even participate in randomized controlled trials (RCTs) of my suicide-focused treatment called the Collaborative Assessment and Management of Suicidality (CAMS; Jobes, 2023). In turn, we have successfully treated and impacted thousands of patients who suffered from suicidal thoughts and behaviors around the world.

At 66 I am in the twilight of my career as a university professor. Like many, I have had professional and personal ups and downs over the years. I have received lifetime achievement awards; I was diagnosed with cancer two years ago and received a surgical cure (an utterly transformative experience). But generally speaking, I have been blessed to enjoy meaningful work, love, and play within the course of an examined life. And with all this hard-earned perspective, I am now drawn to teaching a new undergraduate class: “The Psychology of Living.” Much to my surprise, the course of 40 students filled the first day of registration (with a dozen more who were waitlisted). Much maligned "Gen Z" students who are reputed to be "addicted" to social media are apparently more eager to learn this content than I had expected.

The course is a bit audacious, but it is nevertheless compelling. Among various topics we are exploring: lessons from clinical suicidology, life as a journey, existential perspectives, the “tyranny” of the unconscious, intentionality, possible lives, cultivating perspective/hope, the importance of relationships, service to others, post-traumatic growth, spirituality, values, purpose, and meaning. Thus far, students in the class are on fire about these ideas, Class discussions have been vibrant and many questions are being raised and bandied about, which I find both gratifying and quite humbling.

While I am academically immersed in all these grand musings about life, it was a recent email that gave me pause to reflect deeply on what I seek to understand about life and aspire to teach. The email came from an amazing patient, someone I hospitalized 20+ years ago for acute suicidal risk. The email included an extraordinary perspective on life (taken from a Facebook post) that was attributed to the famous American author Ernest Hemingway:

The most beautiful people we encounter in life are often those who have walked through fire. They’ve faced defeat, endured pain, struggled with hardship, and experienced loss in ways that most of us can scarcely comprehend. Yet, it is through these trials that their true beauty emerges—not the kind that can be seen on the surface, but the kind that radiates from deep within.

These individuals have mastered the delicate art of resilience. They know what it’s like to be broken, to feel lost, and to question everything they once believed. Despite the weight of their struggles, they rise again, emerging stronger and more empathetic. It is this journey through darkness that shapes their hearts with unparalleled sensitivity. Having experienced suffering, they possess an extraordinary capacity for compassion.

Their beauty is not about how they look but about how they make others feel. It’s a quiet yet powerful presence that brings warmth and healing. They’ve learned to understand life on a deeper level, seeing the world not just with their eyes but with their hearts. Their understanding of human pain allows them to connect with others in a way that feels genuine, raw, and deeply comforting. They listen without judgment, offer support without expectation, and extend kindness without restraint.

What makes these people so special is that they have walked through their own storms and emerged with an appreciation for life that many who haven’t faced adversity might lack. It’s a gentle strength that comes from understanding that everything is temporary and that every struggle holds a lesson. Their hearts are filled with love—not only for those around them but for themselves—a love forged in the fire of their experiences.

Beauty like this doesn’t happen by chance. It is born from enduring the hardest parts of life and choosing, again and again, to move forward with an open heart. It’s a choice to see the good, even when things seem impossible. The most beautiful people aren’t simply lucky or gifted; they’ve faced the worst and found a way to rise above it, transforming their scars into strength and offering that strength to others.

Suicide Essential Reads

How Celebrity Suicides Boost Copycat Behavior

Suicide Prevention Begins With Asking the Question

So, when you encounter someone with this kind of beauty—someone whose spirit shines through their words and actions—remember that their light is born from their struggles. They’ve walked through the dark and emerged with a heart that knows love, kindness, and true compassion. That’s a beauty that cannot be bought or imitated. It is earned, hard-won, and absolutely priceless.

If these remarkable words were indeed offered by Earnest Hemingway, there is an incredible irony that must be considered because Ernest Hemingway took his own life at the age of 61. That one might articulate such an exceptional perspective on life—yet not personally endure it—captures the triumphs, the tragedies, and the mysteries that define what it means to be alive.

So, for all of us who are students of life, what indeed makes life worth living? As for me, I cannot think of a more compelling question to ask, seek to understand, and endeavor to answer...

If you or someone you love is contemplating suicide, seek help immediately. For help 24/7 dial 988 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, or reach out to the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741. To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.