The Polyamorists Next Door

Exploring the world of consensual non-monogamy

Elisabeth A. Sheff Ph.D., CASA, CSE

Polyagony: When Polyamory Goes Really Wrong

This blog introduces Jillian Deri's book Love's Refraction, explains her idea of polyagony, and lists five ways that poly folks experience polyagony.

African American Polyamorous Leaders

This blog introduces a new cadre of African American polyamory community leaders.

PolyProfessionals: Finding Polyamorous Assistance

Why would people need a professional who is knowledgeable about polyamory, and where would seekers find such an expert?

5 Reasons Why Polyamorous Families are Reluctant to Be on TV

This blog explains five reasons why polyamorous folks might not want to be on reality television and a few of the remedies that might help poly folks feel safer about being on TV.

Polyamory, Consensual Non-Monogamy, or AltSex?

What is the right word for people in multiple relationships at the same time who all know about each other? This blog explores the various labels and suggests one to use.

Community Responses to Consent Violations

This second blog in a series about consent violations in consensually non-monogamous relationships examines community responses to infractions against community members.

Consent Violations in Consensual Non-Monogamy

Why are consent violations inevitable in CNM relationships, and what can people in those relationships do about them?

Multiple Parents Legally?

This blog explains the Rule of Two parents and the legal moves in the United States to allow more than two legal parents.

Some People Truly Don’t Feel Jealousy

Some people in long-term polyamorous relationships initially report that they do not feel jealousy, but over time many of them encounter jealousy triggers in their relationships.

Polyamory at Work

This blog explores some of the reasons polyamorous might want to come out or avoid coming out at work and the potential impacts polyamorous folks might experience.

Choice in Consensual Non-Monogamy

How consent, personal responsibility, and mutual reliance enable polyamorous people to construct designer relationships.

Polyactivism

This blog explores three ways in which polyamorous people are working to combat discrimination including research, challenging discriminatory zoning laws & seeking legal protection

Polyphobia

This blog explores discrimination and prejudice against polyamorous people in loss of social ties, housing, child custody, job loss, and selective enforcement of rules or laws.

Four Reasons Why Paganism and Polyamory Are Linked

This blog introduces and defines Paganism, and then explains four reasons why there is such a significant overlap between polyamorists and Pagans in the United States.

Child Custody in Polyamorous Families Part 5

This fifth and final blog in the series on children in polyamorous families examines the trends in custody of these children, from the best interests standard to recent changes.

Children in Polyamorous Families Part 4

This blog offers a sneak peek into the ongoing fourth wave of research on children growing up in polyamorous families by focusing on the experiences of young adults.

Children in Polyamorous Families Part 3

This third blog in a series on children in polyamorous families explains how kids deal with disadvantages in polyamorous families.

Children in Polyamorous Families Part 2

Children in polyamorous families experience unique practical and emotional advantages but no unique disadvantages that are not present in other forms of blended families.

Children in Polyamorous Families Part 1

This blog begins a series on children in polyamorous families with a look at their age-dependent experiences and three reasons they appear to be in great shape.

Predatory Polyamory?

My first blog on this topic told monogamous folks that they did not need to worry about poly people trying to steal their partners, but readers wrote in telling a different story.

Why (Most) Polyamorous People Are Not Out to Steal Your Wife

There are three main reasons polyamorous people are not trying to steal monogamous partners away from their spouses -- consent, skills, and orientation.

Aging in Polyamorous Families Part Two

Explore friendship, sexuality, resilience, and relationship insights among aging polyamorous people involved in a 20-year research study.

Aging in Polyamorous Families

This blog explores aging polyamorists and their relationships with their children, community engagement, the physical impacts of aging, and divorce.

Therapy, Counseling, or Coaching - Oh My!

If your agenda for 2017 includes personal growth, this blog provides a guide to choosing between a therapist, counselor, or coach as your ally in evolution.

Poly for the Holidays

This blog offers tips for poly people and their non-poly loved ones on how to have a happy holiday season together.

Not Trusting the Happy

One reader asks if it is possible to be happy as a secondary in a polyamorous relationship. Dr Eli says go for it -- with two cautions.

Four Types of Commitment in Polyamorous Relationships

This blog looks at four ways polyamorists express their commitments to each other verbally, with fluid bonding, via Google calendar, and with ceremonies.

Is Polyamory a Form of Sexual Orientation?

Polyamory may be a sexual orientation, both in a legal and personal sense.

Adverse Features Might Contribute to Abuse in Polyamory

Isolation, charismatic leaders, and groupthink could facilitate abuse in polyamorous families.

Protective Features Curb Abuse in Polyamorous Relationships

This blog explores the protective features that can inhibit abuse in polyamorous families like the presence of an observer, outside perspectives, allies, and more resources.

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