Watch Your Language and Give Me Back My Control!

The language you use to describe yourself and your situation can have profound consequences. Likewise, the amount of control you believe you have can strongly affect your mental health. This week’s blog is about how language and sense of control are important – not just in general, but for your identities and, therefore, your mental and emotional health.

When it comes to language…

Watch your language (your identity language, that is). There is a big difference between saying “I am unemployed” and “I am experiencing unemployment.”

When you say “I am unemployed,” you are claiming unemployment as part of who you are, an essential (and potentially permanent) piece of your identity.

In contrast, when you say “I am experiencing unemployment,” your unemployment becomes a condition, a temporary status, instead of who you are.This means you are thinking of it as something you can take steps to change.

When it comes to a sense of control…

An involuntary and sudden role change (such as losing your job) can be especially tough to deal with.

When roles (and identities) change slowly and voluntarily, you have time to prepare yourself for what that means for your identity.

Think about voluntary retirement. When you retire by choice, you may spend years planning what you will do, where you will live, and who you will be once you finally leave your paid job. And when you retire by choice, you have control over the change, and over your identity. A sense of control is one of the most important factors for positive mental health.

But when you lose your job suddenly and involuntarily, you do not have time to prepare what this means for your identity, so it can be easy to feel like you are “identityless” or in an “identity void.” Furthermore, things changed for you without it being your choice, and so you may feel a loss of control over your identity, as well as over your financial situation, how you spend your time, and so on.

Action Steps

1. Take the initiative to reframe how you talk (and think) about the unemployed label. Switch to condition-based language (“I am experiencing unemployment”) and avoid identity-based language (“I am unemployed”).
2. Find ways to re-establish control in your life, especially if you lost your job suddenly, without much advance notice. Even basic things like successfully cleaning the kitchen or changing the oil in your car can help you re-establish short-term control. It may be especially helpful if you do something where you can literally “see” the progress, such as mowing the lawn or sweeping the floor.
3. To avoid falling into identity void, remind yourself of other identities that are important to you, such as parent, friend, spouse, athlete, volunteer, etc. Active participation in those identities – doing the tasks that come with each role – is key to bolstering your mental health in this case. I’ll be writing about this idea of “shifting” your identity to another role in a future blog.