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Hello,
I'm going to be blown up and destroyed for this comment but how did she dress, out of curiosity? There have been studies done that show that men, in the face of a female they find attractive, lose the ability to fully control themselves. Also, the stimulus from merely being around an "attractive" woman is the same as consuming alcohol and doing drugs (well, same parts of the brain are stimulated, although I would be willing to bet that not as much, though being a man I know that it is some and I've got the scars to show for it). As an example, my family recently took on our teenage niece. She would wear shorts that stopped at her crotch and were so tight I don't understand how she didn't cringe in pain merely by moving. So did all her friends. Same with their shirts. We're talking 12 year olds. Looking around, I noticed adult women do much of the same, as is shown on TV, movies, etc.
What I'm getting at is that I've been wondering if there is a link there. If women didn't feel the need to constantly show themselves off, would men constantly leer and be rude. If I see a woman in baggy clothing that doesn't show herself off, I feel nothing but if I see a woman in super tight clothing I get distracted and can't think, same with all other guys out there. For example, I can walk out into a crowd, spin around and tell someone what type of panties any of the women out there are wearing. Why? Because the pants or whatnot are so tight I can see. A lot of the time there's also even a wedge in the frontal crotch area meaning guys are constantly bombarded with a tease of the female body.
If this study: http://articles.nydailynews.com/2010-02-24/entertainment/27057248_1_pornography-attractive-women-researchers
And this study: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/6132718/Men-lose-their-minds-speaking-to-pretty-women.html
Are true, the implication is that men aren't necessarily always in control of themselves (on the lines of, if I shove a shot down someone's throat, they don't have a choice if they want to feel a buzz or not, they just will). Also of importance is how the second study mentioned that on women the effect is null. This means that women literally don't have a clue what it's like to lose control in the face of sexuality. A man can walk by in a speedo and if a woman has to concentrate, she will. A woman walks by in tight pants and thick shirt and it's enough to make a man forget he's working and have his reproductive chemicals kick in. Take off her clothes and he's toast. That being the case, I wonder if maybe we need to lessen the sexuality, or public sexuality out there. There was recently an article about a new line of lingerie for four to 12 year olds. This isn't going to help keep men at their best behavior. I'm not in any way defending bad behavior but I can't help but think that a 12 year old wearing clothing that full out reveal her body isn't also engaging in bad behavior.
When I was growing up I was told that it's rude to stare at women's boobs and bum and whatnot. Of course it wasn't hard at first, to avoid looking in those areas, who'd want to :). Then came puberty. With puberty came this weird lack of control, stuttering, doing stupid stuff, all just because of girls being around. Then girls started wearing shirts with things written right on the boobs. Am I supposed to look away? Or read the shirt. Most women's university jogging pants now have the name of the school printed on the bum. Am I supposed to look away? Or read it? Just recently I've noticed a trend of short skirts but ones so short that just moving exposes a tiny bit of undies and when sitting across from a woman wearing such a thing, should I have to look sideways to avoid looking at her panties which she chose to put on display? None of this in any way says that I should leer or make rude comments but then we have to come back to lack of control. If a woman walks by me in a tiny skirt and I see her undies, might I lose enough control, especially if her shirt is see through and tight and her nipples are erect, that I might do something I otherwise would not? Yup, I'm a man. Of course I can keep it in, being married and getting sex whenever I want but what if I wasn't and was a bit deprived?
We can even think of this on terms of male and female equality and sexism. For example, there aren't near as many females in engineering as there are males. Now, this is most likely just as much a product of a lack of interest as anything else but when it comes to the male perspective, there's another thing. Male engineers are often very serious and work very hard, concentrate very hard and need to be able to. If you introduce a woman into the group, one who is showing off her body with skin tight clothing, as is the norm, the males become distracted (we know this, there have been studies). Now, if one was a male boss and realized this, even unconsciously, would he then shy away from hiring females so that he could keep his team of males productive? An example can be taken straight from my workplace. There are very few women in my building, mostly geeky men. Recently there was a woman who was hired who would be considered very attractive, wears very, very tight clothing, perfume, etc. Wherever she goes in the building men stop working and talk to her or try to. Groups will be in conversation which will stop as she goes by and then resume once she's past. She no doubt notices this and wonders why? Here's the thing: There's also a woman on my team. She wears somewhat but not super tight clothing, always has her hair up and never wears high heels or girly stuff. She fits right in. When she walks past a group they don't shut up and are even more willing to ask her over for her opinion. She's one of the guys. Now, woman A might attribute this to sexism. Because she chooses to be very feminine and not one of the guys doesn't mean she should be excluded, right? Well, what if it's not a conscious exclusion? What if the guys are literally uncomfortable with her around or can't concentrate and therefore avoid her to avoid being uncomfortable. She would not be able to feel empathy because having a good looking male around doesn't change her ability to work (she might feel desire for him but it's interest, not chemicals actively forcing her to act differently and potentially lose track of what she's working on).
I do go on. I hope this isn't offensive. It's a wicked tough topic to talk about. For example, the recent "Slut Walk" phenomena. A cop told a group of women that maybe if they didn't dress like sluts, the levels of rape would be down. Granted the dude should probably have taken public speaking courses. Thing is, though, the biggest argument against him was that the ladies that get raped aren't usually the ones that dress "slutty", they're usually the ones that are the most vulnerable. The shy girls, the ones that aren't "perfect". But this makes perfect sense if we change it around a bit. Lets pretend that the man is an addict and instead of being addicted to a woman, he is addicted to alcohol. Now, lets say that on a daily basis he is inundated with super flashy and "sexy" bottles of alcohol everywhere. For fun, lets also throw in the provision that he can't afford to buy any of them. The more he sees and the flashier the bottles, the more he longs until there comes a time when he snaps and decides to steal some. Now, is he going to go for the flashiest, most visible and strong bottle of alcohol, the one that stands on it's own and is sure of itself? Or is he going to look in the dark corner for the little bottle that no one else has their eye on and is therefore ripe for the picking? The answer is fairly obvious and it applies to the "slut walk" situation. No, the ones that dress the sexiest and wear the least might not be the ones that are victimized as much but the very reason is that they are the tigers and lions, the ones that will fight back, etc. Dude can become obsessed with sexy and take that out on the quite and shy one.
Another point to bring up is that when we would ask my niece why she dressed the way she did, she would answer that it was how to get the boys to respect her. Here she was very, very wrong. It will definitely get the attention of the boys, that is for sure, but it will not gain their respect. Play some video games with them and read a comic, that's how you gain respect from boys. The bottom line, though, was that she was clueless. When we asked what does she expect dressing like that, that guys will look away, she answered that if they look they are a pervert. She mentioned that she would love if one of us waited with her at the bus stop for school. This wasn't possible but I also was thinking probably not necessary. I told her how men work and that the way she was dressed messes with a man's mind and therefore she has a choice. She can continue to dress that way and live with the looks or she could dress a little more modestly (pants not so tight you can see the underwear, shirts that don't show the bra underneath and not purposefully wearing black undergarments with white coverings, skirts that hit the knee or just above) and avoid it. She tried it out and thanked me for the words of advice, no revealing clothing, no big looks and whatnot from the older men. I.E. no more perverts... I explained to her that everything has it's place. She can wear a tiny little bikini at the beach without even being noticed as even the guys wear little bottoms. In public, showing a bit of modesty is appropriate as people want to get along with their business and not be distracted every 5 seconds. With a boy she likes, well, bring it on but remember, he may do things he wouldn't otherwise and if he's truly a guy that likes her, he'll like her more if she's wearing more as he can then concentrate on her, what she likes and does, instead of staring at her ass and wanting to touch her boobs, as teenage boys so want to do (and their older counterparts, lol).
I will end here though it's not really an ending, my wife and I talk about this type thing all the time and there's always something new to add. I must note that I am not in any way condoning bad behavior and men should not leer at teenage girls. I just happen to be a guy who puts way too much thought into things and doesn't tend to follow societies rules on what to say and when to say it.
