What Isn't Being Said About Autism, Intimacy, and Sex

Sexuality and intimate relationships among people with autism are subjects that seem to be rarely discussed by health professionals. Yet, research shows that many people on the autism spectrum often do not identify with heteronormative and traditional values when it comes to intimate and sexual relationships. It seems odd that more academic research and professional discussion are unavailable on these subjects. Such work would support autistic people in having healthy and meaningful intimate relationships, particularly as their condition affects how they relate to and interact with other people.

Sadly, I have come to suspect that one of the main reasons why we do not have more information on these subjects is because of the prejudice, discrimination, and stigmatization that continues to permeate how many professionals work with autistic adults and young people. Talking about issues relating to sex and intimacy is still taboo in many societies, but particularly when talking about people with disabilities, whether they be physical, mental, or neurological.

There are some neurodiversity and disability advocates and influencers doing great work on these topics, however, such as The Neurodivergent Rebel and Wheelchair Rapunzel. But it seems the services and professionals that support autistic people are not doing enough to increase awareness and education of how people with disabilities and neuro-differences enjoy intimate and sexual relationships.

I believe there is an urgent need for new ways of educating and supporting autistic people to have good lives and healthy interpersonal relationships. A great way to start doing this is by accepting that successful relationships are not the same for everyone, and that many heteronormative relationships, marriages, and traditional romantic relationships are neither accessible nor desirable for many people on the spectrum.

While research conducted in 2021 found that most autistic people were interested in sexual relationships, few professionals seem to be speaking openly about how neurodivergent conditions will impact the likelihood of this happening (Joyal et al., 2021).

As a therapist, I spend a lot of time helping my clients to understand intimate relationships. Many of them enjoy talking about and questioning their sexuality and personal preferences. In my opinion, the most successful relationships for autistic people are often unorthodox and unique.

We need to understand that healthy relationships for autistic people may look and present differently and seem unorthodox to people who are neurotypical. These differences should be encouraged and supported by professionals who are focused and committed to helping their clients live contented and fulfilled lives.

One of the most significant observations that I have noticed when working with my clients is the overlap between those who identify as neurodivergent or autistic and those who are part of the LGBTQIA+ community. Yet, there are hardly any books or research articles on these topics. I suspect this is partly because many disabled and neurodivergent people have been desexualized and infantilized to such an extent that their sexuality and preferences relating to intimate relationships are often devalued or ignored.

According to Abraham Maslow and his widely respected and accepted hierarchy of needs, intimacy is a fundamental human need. I believe, as therapists and professionals, we must advocate and support our clients to understand themselves and their relationship preferences, be they sexual, intimate, romantic, or otherwise. Autistic people have a right to healthy relationships. We, as therapists, must try and help them to nurture and maintain these connections.