Some People Say They Don't Have Sexual Fantasies

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Sexual fantasies are defined as waking mental images or pictures that one finds to be erotic or sexually arousing. I’ve conducted several studies on fantasies and have found that the vast majority of people report fantasizing regularly. However, a small number of folks say they’ve never had a fantasy before.

For example, I surveyed 4,175 Americans about their sexual fantasies for my book Tell Me What You Want. At the beginning of the survey, I defined what a sexual fantasy is and asked participants whether they’ve ever fantasized before. What I found was that 97 percent of people reported having fantasized about sex, most of whom said they do so frequently.

In other studies I’ve conducted, I've reliably seen that 97-98 percent of adults report fantasies, but there's that consistent 2-3 percent who say they have no fantasies. Who are those individuals? Do some people not have fantasies at all? When I pose this question to others, the immediate response is usually to assume that they're lying.

That may be true in some cases, but certainly not all. But some people literally cannot fantasize.

Source: Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash.

Aphantasia: The Inability to Conjure Mental Imagery

Some of the folks who say they've never had a fantasy may have what is known as aphantasia, which involves an inability to voluntarily conjure up mental images. These individuals cannot have fantasies about sex or about anything else for that matter—at least not in the form of mental imagery.

Little is known about aphantasia. The term itself was only coined in 2015; there’s only a handful of studies on the topic; however, research suggests that this can be congenital (lifelong) or acquired (meaning the ability to experience mental imagery is lost), and also that is it probably has a neurological basis. Indeed, patterns of brain activation are different for those with and without aphantasia when they attempt to visualize an image.

I’m not aware of any published studies exploring aphantasia and sexuality; we don’t yet have a solid understanding of the implications for one’s sex life—however, the fact that aphantasia exists tells us that some people just can’t have imagery-based sexual fantasies.

Anecdotally, I've learned that some folks with aphantasia report having fantasies that take different forms. For example, some describe their fantasies as a narrative or as a feeling, as opposed to a mental picture. They may still have fantasies, just not in the traditional sense of mental imagery.

That said, it’s unlikely that the 2 to 3 percent of people who say they don't fantasize all have aphantasia, given that only about 1 percent of the population is estimated to have aphantasia. What are some other reasons people might say they don't have fantasies?

Some People Don't Recognize Their Fantasies as Fantasies

Again, it's possible that some people aren't being entirely honest when they say they don't have sexual fantasies, perhaps because they have some internalized shame around their fantasies and don't wish to admit it. It might be easier for some people to lie and say they don’t have fantasies at all than to admit to having fantasies that provoke feelings of guilt, shame, or embarrassment.

However, it’s also possible that some people have fantasies that they just don’t think of as fantasies. One of the things I learned in speaking with many sex therapists is that some people have sexual thoughts that they don’t personally count as “fantasies” because they think that the fantasy has to be something kinky, or maybe something that they’ve never done before.

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Some people seem to think that a sexual fantasy has to have a “fantastical” element to it—but it doesn’t. Fantasies can be mild or wild. They can be sweet and gentle, or rough and animalistic. They can be things you’ve already done, things you hope to do, things that you could potentially do but would never actually want to do, or things that would be utterly impossible to act out.

Many of the sex therapists I’ve spoken with have worked with clients who claimed to have no fantasies, only to later discover that they did. The clients just weren’t thinking of their fantasies as fantasies. For example, it's often the case that people who fantasize about things like romance or kissing don't consider those things to be fantasies because they're not as overtly sexual.

One way that therapists sometimes discover this is by asking a different question than: "Tell me about your fantasies." Instead, they'll ask questions such as: “What do you think about when you masturbate or touch yourself?” Fantasies and masturbation often go hand in hand, so to speak.

Takeaways

A reliable 2 to 3 percent of the population claims to have no sexual fantasies. When people say they don't fantasize, it may very well be because they literally cannot fantasize. Some individuals have aphantasia.

However, it’s also possible that some of the people who say they don’t have fantasies are holding back because of sexual shame, but it also appears to be the case that some of them simply have a completely different conception or understanding of what a sexual fantasy is.