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Key points
- Research shows that sexual desire increases around the holidays—but many couples are not having sex.
- Couples often fall into negative relationship cycles that follow them into the new year
Our desire for sex is, to some degree, seasonal. Research has shown that our sexual desire and sexual activity ebb and flow throughout the year, but that there is a slight peak to this desire cycle around Christmas and New Year’s.
As a sexologist, I believe that the seasonal spike has something to do with time spent away from work and, instead, attending festive parties flowing with bubbly drinks. Even though research reports increased sexual desire and activity, the holiday season can also, unfortunately, put the brakes on a sex life for many people.
Hands down, the holiday season is both a wonderful and stressful/hectic time. Along with daily to-do lists, the season comes with shelling out money for gifts, managing chaotic schedules, and managing a keen balancing act of family obligations. Along with the resulting stress, many people experience grief as they remember loved ones who will not be sitting at the table this year.
The holidays are a season where people become dizzy with cheer whilst also feeling totally overwhelmed. (Remember, stress is always the biggest libido killer!) The holidays are meant to be about connection, quality time, giving, and indulging. Many people find themselves taking stress out on their partner, in the form of decreased emotional and physical intimacy. Fighting due to miscommunication ic another consequence.
Here are a few cheerful and effective strategies to get you and your relationship through the holidays.
Blank-out a few calendar days
It is hard to say No to fun holiday events, especially if you are an extrovert. Whatever your personality type, your brain needs mental down time. With the approach of the holiday season, we tend to fill up weekends that once were mental recharge time. Mental fatigue results. Mental fatigue = low libido.
In addition to maintaining your own sanity, it helps to be mindful of your partner’s preferences. If you are an extrovert while your partner is an introvert, blank calendar days can be especially important for supporting a balance in the relationship. So, make intentional down days this holiday season.
Do a sexy gift exchange
Whether you are treating yourself or spicing things up with a partner, bring a little sizzle to the stocking. Unwrapping a gift and seeing a sexy piece of lingerie, an intriguing toy, or a sensual oil are just a few ways to jump-start your libido. It is just as much of a libido boost to shop for a sexy gift as to receive one!
Find a sexy item that stimulates conversation and emotional connection and sparks a bit of holiday fantasy. Given the stress of the giving season, your sex life may need the boost.
Good enough is good enough
Too often we create fabulous visions in our head about a gorgeously wrapped present, a perfectly trimmed tree, or a five-star holiday meal. It all sounds fabulous, and I love the fantasy… in my head.
One brutal lesson I have learned over the years is: We can’t have it all. This holiday season adopt the belief that not everything has to be perfect. Try choosing one or two aspects of your celebrations to strive for the fullest, and, as for the rest, good enough is good enough. Even if your tree is not trimmed perfectly, you will still enjoy the holiday season.
