“Colic Breaks You": The Reality of Colic and Its Toll on Moms

My firstborn had colic, and it was bad. I remember laughing at the “Rule of Threes” criteria—three hours a day, three days a week, for at least three weeks. Try 10 hours a day of red-faced screaming, every single day for months.

Everything I read about colic soft-pedaled the experience: “It’s normal.” “It will pass.” Or offered solutions like "a swaddle" or "lavender lotion." My newborn screamed like she was being stuck with a pin. Lavender wasn’t going to cut it.

Our pediatrician said, “Don’t worry. It’s just colic.” Just colic? That was like saying, “It’s just a traumatic head injury.” I felt either incompetent or crazy. Every day was so long, and I had to brace myself for the hours of inconsolable screaming ahead, because literally nothing worked consistently to help her. This went on day in, day out for three months.

I still say that I would go through the 27 hours of labor again before I would relive colic.

Thirty years later, not much has changed. Despite broader access to information and increased awareness of potential underlying causes, the dominant message continues to be, “Don’t worry, it’s normal.” Moms are still routinely told by their doctors that “nothing’s wrong” and they’re just “overreacting.”

No one talks about the moment-to-moment reality of colic—what it does to a mom’s self-image, her nervous system, even the desire to have more children. No one talks about the Herculean level of stamina it requires at a truly foundational moment. “Is this what motherhood is like?” We don’t talk about what it’s like when a new mother’s experience differs so dramatically from every image of motherhood she has seen or every other mother she encounters. It’s a massive, difficult, identity-shaping event—and yet the message is: “It’s normal.” I and many others will tell you: it’s not.

I asked members of The Fussy Baby Site Support Facebook group about their experiences. These are their words:

“[Colic] was the hardest thing I have ever been through.”

“I was made to feel like a failure of a mom or that it was nothing to worry about when I would see the doctor. It made me feel crazy, but I knew my child was in pain. . . It’s played off like it’s not a big deal but obviously it is to the baby, or they wouldn’t be screaming all the time in that specific hurt cry. All those things make mothers feel so gaslit.” – Ruthie C.

“I just got handed a piece of paper called ‘Purple Crying’ and was told it’s normal and peaks at six weeks. Those first twelve weeks of my daughter’s life were the darkest of our lives, hands down. Up from 11pm to 4am every night rocking an inconsolable screaming baby. I truly thought I wasn’t going to survive it.” – Christie Z.

“They didn’t believe me that something was wrong.”

“We were on the brink of insanity from six months of sleep deprivation. His ‘colic’ was a treatable medical issue that could have been resolved within weeks of birth.” – Leah C.

“I was made to feel like I was going crazy. I attribute my PPD/A to how hard it was to convince people that colic wasn't a diagnosis, that my baby was in pain, and nobody was doing anything about it.” – Myriam A.

“I got her evaluated by PT, OT, ENT, multiple pediatricians and just kept getting told, ‘She looks good to me.’ I felt like I was literally standing in these offices begging for help, and they just looked at me dumbfounded.” – Patience S.

Many moms reported diagnoses that were dismissed: cow’s milk protein allergy, reflux, oral ties, laryngomalacia, torticollis—even bowel blockage.

“I felt gaslighted by my pediatrician.”

“You just have a hard baby.”

“You should try calming down because then the baby will calm down too.”

“Projectile vomiting probably isn’t as much as you think.” (Oh, it was.)

“Are you a first-time mom? Babies do cry, you know.”

“It destroyed my confidence.”

“There's nothing that makes you feel more helpless, guilty, and heartbroken than having your baby scream nonstop and there’s hardly anything you do can help.” – Jordan K.

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“I tried everything….and nothing helped her stop crying or sleep. People said, ‘Cut out dairy.’ Didn’t work. Tongue tie? Didn’t work. Co-sleeping? Nope. Baby wearing? Nope. Chiropractor? Craniosacral therapy? All these things that were ‘supposed’ to help…didn’t. I felt like I was a complete failure as a mom.” – Abigail P.

“I questioned whether I was cut out for motherhood. Point blank.” –Karly E.

“I felt robbed of the newborn experience.”

“Everyone told my husband and I it was such an amazing and special time. We never expected it to be ‘easy,’ but we didn’t expect it to be the hardest and most miserable time of our lives.” –Jordan K.

“One and done.”

A surprising number said colic was the reason they wouldn’t have another child. The risk of repeating the trauma was too high.

“I think I still have PTSD from those colic days.”

The mental health effects were significant. Moms reported postpartum depression, anxiety, panic attacks, PTSD, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts.

“I legit feel like I have a form of PTSD from those first four months…the screaming nonstop, feeling like I can’t calm my baby, lack of sleep that felt like a form of torture, not being able to set her down, the fighting with my partner because we were both struggling in the trenches.” – Vicki H.

Colic isn’t “nothing to worry about.” It’s a profound, life-altering experience with real and lasting consequences. Instead of minimizing it, we need to shift the conversation to one of support and validation.

“I wish more than figuring out what was causing it, someone could just look at me and say, ‘I know this is so hard to not have answers and be in this uncertainty. We will figure this out together. You’re not alone. What can I do to support you?” –Kira S.