Why We Resist Healing Through Writing

When you write from a place of honesty and self-compassion, parts of you that were once silenced begin to find their voice, and healing naturally follows.

Source: Angelina Bambina / iStock

For the past several months, I’ve been sharing writing prompts designed to help you reconnect with your story in a way that is gentle, honest, and without judgment. Many of you have told me how powerful this work feels once you begin. But others have shared something equally important: that getting started is the hardest part.

If journaling is still hard for you, I wonder, what hurdles are getting in your way of using a tool that science has proven can help boost mental health and create positive changes in the brain, body, and immune system? Are you hesitating to journal because some memories are painful? Or because you fear you’re not “good at writing?” If so, you’re hardly alone.

Here are some reasons people often tell me they hesitate to put pencil to paper.

1. Fear of Re-Experiencing the Pain

Writing can bring old memories to the surface with surprising clarity. You might worry that once you let your suppressed feelings surface, you’ll feel overwhelmed by sadness, anger, or anxious thoughts and have no way to “turn it off.” But I would encourage you to view it in a different way: writing to heal can show you how heavy a weight you’ve been carrying for far too long, and how much you deserve to finally set that weight down. It can show you what needs changing in terms of how you hold and carry the wounds of the past. And this is often where real healing begins.

2. Avoidance as a Coping Strategy

Trauma often teaches the brain that certain thoughts are dangerous. Avoiding them — by staying busy or steering clear of triggers — can feel safer in the short term, even if it keeps the wound unhealed. Writing on the page can be a safe, private way to allow those thoughts “voice.” And by giving them voice, we can often see how avoidance, or self-silencing, affects us in ways that don’t serve us anymore.

3. Belief That the Past Is “Done”

We might feel that revisiting the past is pointless or indulgent: It’s over, why go back? But this tough-it-out or get-over-it mentality can mask the reality that unexamined experiences still shape how we react to stress today, and how we respond to difficult interactions in our closest relationships. In this way, carrying hurt from old relationships can hold us back, influencing our habits, patterns of self-talk, and negative self-beliefs. We aren’t returning to the past to indulge ourselves, or dwell in past hurts, we’re doing so to rediscover the truth of who we are, regain our agency, and find the power of our truest voice.

4. Fear of Judgment or Exposure

Sometimes we might feel ashamed by what we discover when we witness — on the page — our negative thought cycles, our familiar ruminations. Or how harshly we judge ourselves or others. Here’s a fix for that: set a timer for 10 minutes and just let everything — and I mean everything — pour out. There is just one rule: you’re not allowed to write anything judgmental about yourself. At the end of those ten minutes, pick up your paper and rip it into tiny shreds, and throw it away. This simple trick can reassure your nervous system that this is entirely private, just for you, and no one will ever “know” what your truth is, but you. When we practice this exercise, we’re able to let go of our negative thought cycles and ruminations and move on to constructive solutions. And that feels really, really good.

5. Cultural Messages About Strength

Many of us grew up with messages like “don’t dwell on it” or “just move on.” These cultural norms can make reflective writing feel like an indulgence. But science has proven that our greatest strength doesn’t lie in getting over things or soldiering on as if they never happened — our greatest wisdom comes instead from understanding, honoring, and emotionally processing what happened to us. This is a gift that we can all give to ourselves, with paper, pencil, and 10 minutes of our time. Writing is processing. fMRI brain scans show that the processing we do as we write to heal has healing effects on our body, brain, and immune system.

Recognizing these fears can help you approach journaling with a sense of tenderness toward yourself and create a safe, personal space for healing. The more you understand yourself, deep in your marrow, the freer you become to fearlessly voice yourself.

Enjoy!

Writing Prompts:

Note: The exercises you are about to participate in contain material that may cause some individuals (especially those with a history of trauma, PTSD, or mental health concerns, including anxiety or depression) to have strong reactions, feelings, or memories. For this reason, discretion is advised. The writing prompts below are not to be perceived as or relied upon in any way as medical advice or mental health advice. Nor are they a substitute for professional or medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Writing-to-heal can help you to better understand your story, but it is not a substitute for therapy. Please seek the advice of mental health professionals or other qualified health providers if you need more help or support.

1. How or when did you feel verbally or emotionally shamed, diminished, blamed, discounted, disregarded, or humiliated?

2. When might you have witnessed siblings, a parent, or a caregiver being put down or made fun of, or verbally humiliated?

3. When might you have been made to feel you had to care for others in order to be loved or feel safe?