How to Score With An Introvert

A few good ways to woo your favorite introvert.

Posted Feb 08, 2013

You know what your introverted sweetheart probably wouldn’t appreciate? Being proposed to at a packed ballpark, on the Jumbotron. That grand but misguided gesture alone might be reason to decline.

Sure, we like your eyes on us, but not the eyes of thousands of strangers. We have nothing against grand gestures, but not in public, please. We die a thousand little deaths when the restaurant staff gathers ‘round to sing Happy Birthday. We are filled with fear and loathing at the idea of a singing telegram or (worse) a stripper-gram. We don’t want you to drop to a knee in the middle of a restaurant to declare your love. You don’t have to shout it for all the world to hear. No, really. It’s fine. We believe you.

(Note to all introverts who would like any of those things: Obviously, I wasn’t talking about you. I was talking about other introverts.)

Of course introverts want to be wooed—who doesn’t? But if you want to woo the introvert’s way, turn the volume down a few notches. Make it intimate, keep it calm, step into the introvert’s world.

Some ideas for introvert-friendly loving gestures, big and small. I’m timing this for Valentine’s Day, of course, but these are all-purpose for any time you want to put stars in an introvert’s eyes.

  • Book a night into a really nice hotel. The kind of place with guest rooms so luxurious, you never want to leave. The kind with fine linens and big fluffy robes and fancy toiletries. Order room service. (Think you'll get lucky?)
  • Cook a special meal—together, if you both enjoy cooking, or yourself to treat your sweetie. Light candles, play music, maybe a nice wine. (And if you have in mind what I think you have in mind, take sex columnist Dan Savage's good advice: Do it before you eat.)
  • Take a hike or bike ride together. (Conversation optional.) 
  • Find a perfect place to watch sunsets and go there and watch the sun set. (Conversation discouraged.) 
  • Make any of the above a grand gesture by doing it someplace that involves airline tickets. (Other means of transportation also work.) 
  • Go to an thinky, talky movie with no explosions, car chases, or fart jokes(I prefer movies where nothing really happens but everybody talks a lot.) Then go sit someplace nice and discuss. 
  • Read a book your introvert loved so you can discuss it. (If you like the book too, that's an extra bonus.)
  • Write a love letter. A really good one. And by good, I mean heartfelt. (We read and reread. And write it on paper. By hand.)

 Other ideas, wise introverts?


Come to my Facebook page and see what other introverts have to say about my book, The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World. Also what they have to say about a lot of other things, too.