A Familiar Christmas Carol Offers Insight Into Who We Are

Are you getting bombarded with Christmas songs? One familiar holiday melody after another?

I am.

The messages of peace and love and goodwill to all flood our kitchen, the shopping mall, and the car radio. Songs about the joy of dashing through the snow. Asking for a special gift like two front teeth. Comforting our loved ones who are not at home. Many herald the newborn king. Others celebrate decorating the halls. All of them are promises and affirmations of people doing the right thing by other people, of the joy of giving and being part of a community—even Frosty the Snowman, acclaiming his sacrifice of playing until he melts away.

And then I heard "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer."

I apologize in advance for planting this tune in your head, but remember the tale of Rudolph?

Read, or sing, on:

Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
Had a very shiny nose
And if you ever saw it
You would even say it glows.

This song tells a very different story.

In the first verse, Rudolph is distinguished and set apart from all the other reindeer. He looks different. He has a glowing red nose.

That doesn’t sound too bad.

But in the next verse, we learn that the other reindeer laughed at Rudolph and called him names, essentially shunning him because he was so noticeably different. Because he didn’t conform to the traditional, acceptable appearance of reindeer, he was teased and bullied. He was not invited to play in all the reindeer games.

How do you think Rudolph felt? Remember Theory of Mind? Our interest in what other people think or feel, especially about us? In the eyes of the not-red-nosed reindeer, Rudolph did not belong. He was not part of the group. He was alone, unloved, and alienated, of little or no value to his peers.

When you use Theory of Mind to relate to a fictional reindeer’s feelings, a startling example of alienation and bullying emerges.

This is the dark side of Theory of Mind. Sometimes we can make somebody feel less valuable. Consider this four-panel Charlie Brown cartoon. In each of the first three panels, Charlie Brown is standing up saying, “Believe in me,” as Patty, Snoopy, and Violet each pass him by without noticing him. In the fourth panel, Charlie Brown sits on the sidewalk and says, “I just can’t get people to believe in me.”

Through the eyes of others, Charlie Brown is beginning to see himself as a loser. And Theory of Mind is the brain tool being used to communicate that message.

We control no one but influence everyone. We get to choose the kind of influence we want to be.

Back to Rudolph: The good news, though, as you’re undoubtedly aware, is that Santa recognized that Rudolph's difference was an asset. Not a disability, but a unique ability. Through the eyes of Santa, Rudolph was more than valuable: He was invaluable. Without that shiny red nose, no Christmas presents would be delivered. Rudolph saved the day with his shiny nose and the endorsement of Santa, but only then did all the reindeer love him.

Why does the story of Rudolph—and many other stories like it—resonate so deeply with each of us? Because we can all relate to the feeling of being devalued by others, of being the odd one out. We also feel empathy for the lone deer, the underdog (or "underdeer" in this case), and we cheer for them to get back “in.” We also all know that we want the story to have a happy ending and that alienation, stigmatization, and bias, just aren’t intrinsically good for anyone. We truly are a social animal, one that feels safer in a group, and the larger the group the better.

We are one group called humanity.

Now, during this season of giving, one of the great gifts we can give so easily is to simply remind a Charlie Brown that they are valuable and have Rudolph with his nose so bright help guide our sleigh tonight. Together, we can deliver this present to our present.