This post is the real story behind research I was involved in that has led to a "method of falling in love" that has gone viral in the last few days, after The New York Times published an engaging article about it by Mandy Len Catron in their Style section on Sunday January 11 as well as Dan Jones' supplement with the questions themselves.
No, we are not necessarily shy and not always introverted, but the book which prompted the article, Susan Cain's "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking," is actually more about HSPs than social introverts, so we're getting there. Perhaps in a year or two the highly sensitive person will be Time's person of the year!
In these uncertain times everyone wants a safe place to invest their time and energy--and money if they have any. Ideally an investment is not only safe, but grows in value, as when you invest in your own education or in a growing company.
For emotional reasons, some people cannot go out and look for a job. Or they cannot keep a job. They cannot bear criticism, can't get along with others, or maybe don't even know why. Or they work as if driven by demons, but remain unmarried and friendless. Many overeat, gamble too much, drink too much, buy things they cannot afford, and can't stop.
Among the depth-psychology tools we need for living life, understanding complexes is your handy screwdriver. It opens up many things and closes some as well. We all have complexes. They are the "building blocks of the personality," as Jung called them.
The undervalued version of yourself is only one of many "self states." By a self state, I mean the way we think and feel in a particular situation or role. You are still you, but you may also feel almost like a different person whether you are with your parents, best friend, supervisor at work, etc.
Today good therapy is said to be brief, focused on a diagnosis, and manualized for standardization. There is more than a hint that it is unethical to look any deeper. However, that is all changing.
Are you famous for being slow to make decisions? Do you need more down time than your friends do? Are you bothered by noise, crowds, and having too much going on at once? Are you unusually conscientious? Creative? Have a rich inner life?
Self-affirmations do not help when we are hit with low self-esteem because this universal problem results from our natural response to defeat, part of our broader instinct to rank ourselves among others. The first step is to better recognize ranking and linking behaviors, the two things we do all day but hardly think about.