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Relationships
10 Love Lessons You Learn After Therapy
Whatever brings people to therapy, the problem—and solution—is often about love.
Posted February 13, 2025 Reviewed by Gary Drevitch
Key points
- Intention and ego dissolution are crucial to love.
- Silence can be a transformative form of love.
- Love, creativity, and spontaneity are deeply intertwined.
For over 40 years, I’ve been invited into people’s personal lives. Working in therapy is a profound privilege, helping people transform, modify, and recraft their lives. I’ve taken part in nearly 75,000 psychotherapy sessions over that time, and almost all of them involved love—more specifically, the lack of it, withholding of it, fear of it, loss of it, too little of it, need for it, confusion about it, ambivalence about it, or rejection of it.
It was time to review my notes to see what people have learned about love once they experience more of it. If love is the main problem when it is missing, what does it feel like when you finally feel it?
In no particular order, these are the top 10 things people have reported once they had more love.
1. Love allows you to be fully yourself while extending yourself to others. Love is a powerful force that allows individuals to embrace their true selves while also reaching out to others in a meaningful way. It is a balance between self-discovery and connection with those around us. When we experience love, we are able to express our authentic selves without fear of judgment or rejection. This freedom to be fully ourselves is a precious gift that love offers, enabling us to grow and evolve in a nurturing environment.
2. Love is about giving as you receive, not just the act of giving. Love is not just about giving material gifts or performing acts of kindness; it is about the reciprocal exchange of emotions, support, and understanding. When we love someone, we give them our time, attention, and affection, but we also receive these things in return. A continuous cycle of giving and receiving strengthens the bond between individuals and creates a sense of mutual care and appreciation.
3. Love involves the intention to give, which allows one to receive more. The intention behind our actions in love is crucial. When we approach relationships with a genuine desire to give and support others, we open ourselves up to receiving even more love and kindness in return. It is through our intentions that we create a positive and nurturing environment where love can flourish and grow.
4. Love dissolves the ego, like preparing for a bubble bath. Love has the remarkable ability to dissolve the barriers created by our egos. When we love someone deeply, we let go of our need for control, validation, and self-interest. It is like preparing for a soothing bubble bath, where we allow ourselves to relax, unwind, and be vulnerable. In this state of ego dissolution, we can experience a profound sense of connection and unity with others.
5. Love is pure, and does not need symbolic representation. Love transcends the need for material symbols or grand gestures. It is a deep and profound feeling that emanates from the heart and soul, expressing itself in simple yet profound ways. Love does not require elaborate displays or extravagant gifts to be felt and understood; it is a silent force that speaks volumes without words.
6. Love allows you to remain still while giving; you are open yet grounded. In the midst of love, we find a sense of peace and stillness that allows us to give without expectation or attachment. We remain open and receptive to the needs of others while staying grounded in our own sense of self. Love teaches us the art of balance, so that we can be both nurturing and independent, caring and strong.
7. Love carries good feelings and is never tainted or jealous. Love is a pure and selfless emotion that carries with it good feelings such as compassion, empathy, and joy. It is never tainted by jealousy, possessiveness, or insecurity. Love is a force that uplifts and inspires, bringing out the best in both ourselves and others.
8. Love awakens and empowers individuals. When we experience love, we are awakened to our full potential and empowered to become the best versions of ourselves. Love motivates us to grow, learn, and evolve, inspiring us to reach new heights and overcome challenges. It is a transformative force that nurtures us and encourages us to pursue our dreams and aspirations.
9. Love is like a natural element that interacts well with all aspects of life. Love is a force that can interact harmoniously with all aspects of life. It is like a natural element that flows through our relationships, work, and daily interactions. Love brings a sense of harmony and balance to our lives, enhancing experiences and enriching connections with others.
10. Love can be reflected through objects, gifts, and gestures, but is most powerful when conveyed through thoughts and feelings alone. While love can be expressed through tangible objects, gifts, and gestures, its true power lies in the thoughts and feelings that we convey to others. Love is felt in the depths of our hearts and minds, transcending material possessions and external displays. It is the pure essence of love that touches the souls of others and creates lasting connections that withstand the test of time.
Love is a transformative force that allows us to embrace our true selves, connect with others, and experience the beauty of unconditional care and support. By embodying these love lessons sooner rather than later in our lives, we can cultivate deeper and more meaningful relationships, enriching our lives and the lives of those around us.
