Dr. Lara Honos-Webb

Lara Honos-Webb Ph.D.

The Gift of ADHD

Loving Someone with ADD

Loving Someone with ADD: Why You Need to Know Gifts

Posted Dec 13, 2010

When you focus on your partner's gifts, you make them more likely to cooperate with your desire for them to pay attention to you and follow through on commitments.

When you focus on your partner's problems, you make them less likely to cooperate with you.

Why is that?

You get more of what you focus on. By constantly bringing your partner's symptoms front and center, you bring more attention to them, creating more problems.

So, You need to know the gifts of ADD to create a Passionate Partnership.

The Gifts of ADD

The typical ADD symptoms of impulsiveness, focusing difficulty, and non-compliant behavior can be reframed as creativity. For example, the ADD tendencies toward being "spacey" and daydreaming will be shown to promote fortuitous insight, imagination, daring originality, and intuition.

Many times when ADD adults are not paying attention they are tuned into other people on a deeper level - it is a gift of interpersonal intuition. ADD adults can seem distracted when they are connected to you on an emotional level. They may be sensing what you feel or wondering what's really bothering you, all the while not listening closely to your words.

The ADD symptom of hyperactivity can also be seen as a surplus of energy. You will be guided to view your surplus energy as a valuable resource. Impulsivity can also been seen as a willingness to take risks. It can also be a need to create structure rather than follow structure. Impulsivity can also be seen as an authenticity, ADD adults are connected to their inner whims and urges and you will never be left wondering what they are really thinking, feeling or wanting to do.

The lack of emotional control can also be seen as a capacity for emotional sensitivity and expression. Emotional intensity is a great gift that opens up the possibility of authentic relating, and deep passions to fuel your partnership.

Nature can provide adults with ADD the calming influence they need. If your partner gets lost staring out windows or planning extreme vacations, you can be reassured that his or her constant need for activity and unquenchable desire to connect with nature are important personal needs and style that offer a great gift.

Not that you have seen how these symptoms can be translated into gifts, practice focusing on all of the gifts in your partner.


For more tips and tools about ADHD visit http://www.visionarysoul.com. Sign up for Dr. Lara Honos-Webb's free newsletter at http://www.visionarysoul.com/newsletter.html.  Learn about individual sessions http://www.visionarysoul.com/sessions.html

Dr. Lara Honos-Webb is a clinical psychologist and author of The Gift of ADHD, The Gift of ADHD Activity Book, The Gift of Adult ADD and Listening to Depression: How Understanding Your Pain Can Heal Your Life.


About the Author

Dr. Lara Honos-Webb

Lara Honos-Webb, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and author of multiple books.

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