Are You Sabotaging Your Self-Love?
3 red flags that might be telling you that you need to work on your self-love.
Posted February 13, 2019
This month, we've been talking about self-love a lot over in my Instagram page. We've been having meaningful conversations about what it is, why it's so hard to achieve, and the main challenges about it.
Self-love is the foundation for all the other relationships in your life. In simple words, one cannot pour from an empty cup. One can't give if one doesn't have:
- You can't have a healthy relationship with other people if YOU don't have a healthy relationship with yourself.
- You can't be compassionate with others if YOU don't practice self-compassion in your own life.
- You can't take care of others if YOU don't take care of yourself, first.
Self-love, though it has a pretty ring to it, can often be one of the most difficult practices to accomplish. Why? Because we live in a society that promotes and celebrates your exhaustion and how tired you are. It benefits from your insecurities.
This is why loving yourself is a revolutionary act. Society has "normalized" the ways in which we sabotage prioritizing and taking care of ourselves.
The first step is realizing when these self-sabotages show up. Here are three red flags that you might be self-sabotaging your self-love practices.
You keep comparing yourself
Social media is full of comparison traps. And, once we fall down this rabbit hole and don't actively make an effort to get out, our self-love gets compromised.
I won't tell you not to compare yourself, because we are only human. It's only natural to fall in these traps. What I will ask you is that when you compare yourself, make sure you challenge that comparison. How? With gratitude. What is wonderful about YOU? What makes YOU magical, unique and special? And actively fight against that comparison trap with a gratitude perspective about yourself.
Black or white thinking
"Good vs. bad." "Skinny vs. fat".""Pretty vs. ugly." These are all black or white thoughts which are counterproductive to our mental health. Especially, to our self-love. Things aren't good or bad, they are. Your body isn't pretty or ugly, it is. It works. It helps you achieve your daily goals and tells you what needs adjusting.
These black or white thoughts only welcome shame, which is a powerful emotion that fosters a negative self-image, low self-esteem and promotes self-loathing. Shame is self-love's arch-nemesis, and it's only cured by practicing self-compassion, a key component of self-love.
You don't prioritize your self-care strategies
Similar to self-compassion, self-care is a crucial part of self-love. The way we take care of our body (exercise, eating healthily, sleeping enough, drinking plenty of water); our mind (seeking help from our support system, talking about difficult emotions); and our soul (meditating, journaling).
If you're not carving out a space in your day to include at least one of the areas mentioned above, you're not prioritizing yourself. And, if you don't prioritize yourself, who will?
Tell me what you think about these red flags: Do they make sense to you? What would you add? Let me know in the comments below.