Challenges of Social Distancing

Every semester, I start my social psychology courses by conveying to students the basic notion that we are all wired to connect socially. Never before have we seen in our lifetimes such an extreme catastrophe that is starkly exhibiting just how necessary socializing with others and being in the presence of others is to our physical and emotional well-being.

Thus, the question becomes: at a time where social distancing will literally save lives, how do we maintain our social ties—and sanity? It isn’t just anecdotal evidence that tells us being by ourselves can worsen our well-being, the impact of social isolation has been identified as a risk factor for a range of medical and mental ailments—ranging from Alzheimer’s Disease to increasing risks for heart attacks and strokes in addition to anxiety and mood disorders (Brody, 2020). In fact, research looking at the neurological effects of being bullied or socially rejected finds that the pain of being excluded from others oftentimes resonates for the brain and body in similar ways as actual physical pain.

All of this is to say that yes, those of us socially isolating in our homes aren’t on the front lines of this pandemic as health care workers or our local and state officials are but nonetheless we have our part to play for the larger well-being of our nation—and it will likely take a psychological toll on all of us. However, there are measures we can put in place to maintain our well-being even as we are engaging in social distancing.

Firstly, it is important to recognize the distinction between loneliness and solitude. The negative outcomes that have been well-documented regarding social distancing are specific to loneliness—which is feeling alone, unwanted, or disconnected from others. In contrast, solitude is seeking out aloneness as a way to recharge, reconnect with oneself, or enjoy one’s own company. In both cases the person is alone, but with loneliness, the person feels isolated by their aloneness. Perhaps one way to temper the stress of socially isolating—particularly for those of you who live by yourselves—is to see it as an opportunity to reconnect with yourself. Moreover, one of the positive aspects of our increasingly technology-driven lives is that right now, it is very possible to connect digitally in ways that can feed our need to be around others or connect.

Now is a great time to reconnect with others in “old-school” ways—by picking up the phone and calling loved ones, writing letters, even—get your socialization fix in any safe way that is possible to enhance a sense of community and connection with others. I am on multiple group-text threads right now—with my colleagues, with family, with other groups of friends—and I find that these check-ins are very comforting and help me to know that my loved ones are safe and OK. Sometimes when the bombardment of text messages feels overwhelming, I will silence the threads so that I can focus on other things, but it is comforting to know that at any time I can return to those conversations and also share how my days are going with my loved ones who aren’t able to be physically here right now.

I just spoke to a good friend of mine over the phone who is out of state for over an hour while I walked my dog around the neighborhood—checking in with one another was comforting. It is also important as a New Yorker for me to gauge how seriously outside the epicenter of this virus other states are taking this growing threat. Which brings me to another point—while our access to our digital devices gives us the latest updates regarding this pandemic, it is also important to moderate how much of this we are consuming from moment to moment so as not to incite anxiety and panic.

Lastly, I would strongly encourage going outdoors for fresh air if you are able to while still maintaining social distance from others. My dog has been a lifeline for me during this period—the ability to reconnect with nature and spend time outdoors has been very necessary to counter the often-oppressive feeling of being indoors for long stretches of time. Even if it is only a temporary lifting from the worry and feeling of impending doom, the sunshine and markers of spring can be very restorative.

The social-psychological literature has been documenting for a long time now the critical role that our relationships with others and connections play in our growth and well-being. We all have a stark and unprecedented opportunity right now to revisit our own social connections and reflect on what makes us thrive and promote our own humanity. If ever there was a time to revisit how interdependent we all are, not just in this nation but globally, it seems the spread of a virus from one part of the globe to virtually everywhere else now is an apt opportunity for that. It is good to keep in mind that we are all in this together, even if right now physically we are apart. This social distancing will be temporary—and if we do it right, it will enable us to save lives and eventually reconnect with all the people we are loving and missing right now.

Join me in this social distancing, and we can be alone, together.

Copyright Azadeh Aalai 2020.