Change the Way You Think, to Change the Way You Fly

Recently, I was working with a client, and she said, “Dr. Plummer, my negative self-talk is so bad. It’s filled with statements like, "I should, I could, I must, and I can’t." As we continued to talk, I provided psychoeducation around cognitive distortions, core beliefs, and the establishment of our original thought processes. At the end of the session, she had a plan that included identifying her core beliefs, acknowledging the triggers (emotional, environmental, and behavioral), creating counterstatements that allow for cognitive restructuring, and incorporating grace and gratitude (through journaling) in her daily practice.

Psychiatrist Aaron Beck identified core beliefs as our fundamental beliefs about ourselves (individually), others, and the world (as a whole). These beliefs are rooted in early messages in our childhood that were verbalized to us, modeled in behavior by others, or demonstrated and reinforced by society and social norms. These core beliefs, that may be largely subconscious, dictate our subsequent emotions, thoughts, and actions.

While core beliefs can be positive and negative, it is important to note that most people with negative self-talk tend to have negative core beliefs. For many Black women, the negative core beliefs are rooted in their early exposure and experiences as a double minority. Both a racial minority and a gender minority, Black women are further in the margins than many of their counterparts. Thus, early in life, specifically through socialization and reinforcements, they learn that their needs are less important than others’, their voices are less valued than others’, and their need for care is less of a priority than others’. These beliefs continue through adolescence and adulthood and are reinforced by a few facts:

1. Most baby dolls are marketed to girls before age two, thus reinforcing the need to take care of others before learning to take care of oneself.
2. Schools and academic settings tend to value learning that is demonstrated through math and science (often aligned with boys’ brain development) versus emotional intelligence and communication (often aligned with girls’ brain development), thus reinforcing that a girl's natural development is not valued in the classroom.
3. Womanhood is a distinct culture, with messages passed down from generation to generation. With messages around one's lack of control over one's body (anti-abortion rights), one's lack of value at work (a lack of equal pay both as women and Black people), one's forced priorities of beauty (beauty industry is targeted towards women and is a multibillion-dollar industry), one's expectations for marriage and children (reinforced by marriage-related TV shows, magazines, social media algorithms, gender reveal parties, and baby showers), and more, women are consistently receiving messages that reinforce beliefs that their needs and wants are less important than societal stereotypes of their value in life.
4. Primary hate crimes are targeted towards Black people (race-based) and women (gender-based), and fewer convictions are rendered.
5. DEI efforts were prioritized for five years and dismissed with new political changes and agendas.

While there is more evidence to demonstrate how society (in large) and people (individually) contribute to the messaging and reinforcement of negative core beliefs (and thus negative self-talk) for Black women, acknowledging the discomfort of the aforementioned is a start to accepting how and why many Black women may have negative self-talk at various periods of time or throughout their entire life.

In my book, The Essential Guide for Counseling Black Women, core beliefs and the psychoeducation to aid in cognitive structuring are discussed.

As you continue to work with your Black women clients, here are a few things to consider:

Catalyst Questions (for you, clinician, to ask your client):

1. Who taught you that belief?
2. What do you think about that belief (this is a matter of metacognition—thinking about your thoughts)?
3. Is this belief still true for you now? Does it have relevance in your current life, or should it be discarded and replaced with another thought?
4. How shall we address these core beliefs on this therapeutic journey? What is your vision and your need?

Therapist’s Introspection (for you, clinician, to ask yourself):

1. What do you think about Black women and their abilities to sustain in life as a double minority?
2. We all have biases, even when we are ashamed of them. What are two biases that arose for you while reading this post?
3. After reading this post, what did you learn, and how will you put that information into application, both personally and professionally?

Journal Prompts (for your client to ask herself):

1. In thinking about your core beliefs, what are three messages, observations, or behaviors that no longer serve you at this period of life?
2. What are three statements you can make and use to restructure your thoughts about yourself, others, and the world?
3. How can you utilize therapy to correct your negative core beliefs and self-talk?

Addressing core beliefs is deep and impactful work. For decades, our clients carry their core beliefs and, equally so, are reinforced within themselves, their families, their communities, and our society as a whole. However, either through cognitive behavioral therapy, rational emotive behavioral therapy, strengths-based and solution-focused therapy, or a range of other approaches, their decade-long journey with negative core beliefs can be addressed in a matter of weeks, months, or brief years, thus creating a newfound freedom that allows them to shine bright or fly with light.