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Chamin Ajjan MS, LCSW, ACT

Dating MythBusters: You'll Find Love If You Stop Looking

Is it true?

Pixabay/Pexels
Source: Pixabay/Pexels

If you have been single for a while, you are bound to get advice from family, friends, co-workers, and acquaintances alike. There is nothing like a single person to bring out the relationship expert in us all.

The trouble is, there's a lot of bad advice out there. This advice is often built around myths that have come to be culturally accepted and more widespread than personal data collected on a popular social media app.

One of the more common dating myths is that you will find someone when you stop looking for a relationship. This could not be farther from the truth. Here is why:

Min An/Pexels
Source: Min An/Pexels

Authenticity

When you want a relationship, but stop looking for one so you can find it, you are being disingenuous. Your actions are all out of line with your goals.

If a good candidate shows up, why would they be interested in someone who isn’t looking for a relationship? He or she will pick up on your vibe and look the other way.

Lack of Awareness

If you are to truly succeed at not looking for a relationship, you will need to put on love blinders. Essentially you have to close yourself off to all romantic possibilities. How can you find someone if you have no awareness of their presence?

Looking vs. Obsessing

Looking for love is not the same thing as obsessing about love. If you are obsessed with finding a partner, you are most likely preoccupied with dating anxiety and/or the fear of being alone. When you are driven by fear and anxiety, you tend to make poor choices that can lead to unpleasant experiences. Quit obsessing, not looking.

rawpixel/Pexels
Source: rawpixel/Pexels

This myth is busted! As we can see, it is flawed, to say the least. If you are ready to be in a committed relationship, it is important for you to make it a priority, not stop looking for it.

Live in your truth. Make time for dating. Let people know you are available and interested in making a connection.

Keep your eyes and heart open. You never know where you will find the next great love affair of your life. It could be online at a dating site or online at the grocery store. But you won’t see it if you are not looking for it.

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