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Why Do People Get Bored With Their Partner?

The unvarnished truth about boredom in marriage.

Marriage is messy and complicated, especially when we share space with another person, tie our finances together, negotiate sexuality, and deal with countless other decisions that daily life demands, to say nothing of adding children or stepchildren to the picture.

It's normal for couples to move in and out of boredom (or conflict, for that matter) at any point in a marriage, especially if they are looking to their partner to fill up their empty bucket or to be responsible for their happiness.

Feeling bored with one's partner often reflects a lack of focus on one's own life plan and personal growth. Sometimes it's just part of the natural process of moving through periods of distance and blame that are a part of coupling up.

The real problem arises when one or both people begin to catastrophize their boredom and cultivate an attitude of negativity. ("Perhaps I married the wrong person," "The love has gone out of our marriage." "We have nothing in common.")

It's important to understand that even the best marriage will go through periods of too much distance and too much conflict. If you're not engaged in your own projects, friendships, and new learning, boredom is something your marriage will get stuck in.

A marriage is never too stale to make it a whole lot better if you can muster up maturity, goodwill, and a genuine wish for a better relationship. If you're in a marriage now, no matter how stale, you can use it as a laboratory to engage in bold acts of change to enliven it.

Don't wait for your partner to change first.