Stop! Don't Marry Your Future Ex-Husband.

These six tips will ensure you don't marry your future ex-husband.

Posted Mar 04, 2018

Falling in love tells us absolutely nothing about whether a particular relationship is healthy or good for us.  When emotions hit, we may evaluate a prospective partner with less objectivity than we'd use to select a major purchase. 

We wouldn't buy a used car off the lot just because it looked great and felt comfortable to drive.  We'd check out it's history and ask for the facts, with our radar out to detect dishonesty or hype. We might consult with a clear-thinking, car-savy neighbor.  And we'd enter negotiations with a few criteria of our own that were deal-breakers--maybe air conditioning, good mileage, and air bags. 

Of course evaluating a prospective partner isn't the same as buying a car.  That said, it's not a bad idea to consider this same approach, along with what your heart tells you. 

Perhaps it will help to consider these  six tips to avoid marrying your future-ex husband.

*Slow things down and get to know him as well as possible.

*Don’t insulate your relationship with him from other important relationships, even if he says he wants to spend time only with you. You won’t really know him if you don’t  observe him among both your friends and family and his.

*Don’t silence your voice or avoid conflict in order to preserve relationship harmony. Say what you think, feel and believe about things that matter.

*Don’t count on the quality of your love or nagging to create things in the future that aren’t there to begin with.

* Do make a list of what's non-negotiable for you in a mate. Get out sooner rather than later if there is a big red flag waving in your face.

*Keep your primary focus on your own goals and life plan, which will put you on firmest footing whatever happens with a particular guy.

Only when we stay in a relationship over time and evaluate it with both our head and our heart can we begin to put it to the test.  This involves lots of talking so that hot spots--whatever they may be--can be spoken to openly.

Finally,  never forget that there are many possibilities for intimacy and connection in this world other than pairing up.