Want to Have a Better Marriage? Here's How

If you want a better marriage, here's the one to ask!

Posted Oct 16, 2016

Books and magazines are filled with tips about how to make a partner feel loved, valued and special.

Perhaps you don’t need this advice.

No matter how distant your marriage has become, and no matter how dense you claim to be about relationships, you can close that how-to-have-a-better-marriage-book (including mine) right now and come up with three specific actions you can take to warm your partner’s heart and improve things at home.

For example, a man I was seeing in therapy insisted he had “tried everything” and was at a total loss about how to improve his marriage.  With only the teensiest push, he was able to identify specific actions he knew made his wife feel loved, and he came up with these ideas:

1. I could cook her favorite dish and have dinner ready when she comes home from work tonight.

 2. I could organize my stuff in the basement by the end of the month.

 3. I could tell her that I want to set up a time to meet Sunday morning to talk about all of her worries about our daughter Molly.  I could just listen and ask questions for as long as it takes.                 

No expert in the universe knows what warms your partner’s heart the way you do. It’s getting started and sticking with it that’s the hard part.

And if you want a recipe for relationship failure, just wait for the your partner to change first.