What! You Don't Want to Have Children?

"I like kids and wouldn't mind having children, but its the husband I want no part of.." You need one to have the other hun. Unless you're a lesbian that is...

I would have loved to take that walk with you. Thoughts similar to yours run through my mind too. Keep asking and enjoy peeling the layers. I enjoyed reading your comment. Thanks...

It's interesting that you assume that people who don't want children are either under financial, medical, or social pressure, or are immature, self-centered, and materialistic. Did it ever occur to you that plenty of well-adjusted men and women just don't want to be parents? That sometimes people marry because they love one another, and not just because they want to procreate? Lots of people who are "suitable to be parents" don't have the desire to be. Your assertion that "adults nurture kids who become adults that nurture other kids" is a lovely thought but also a bit of a stretch judging by the daily news. You also imply that being a parent somehow imbues you with a greater ability to love, feel empathy, act as a role model, etc. Are you saying that those without children are incapable of the same? Based on my own experience as a single woman who chose not to have children I can tell you that reactions from others in society just like you have absolutely forced me to "question status quo" and "develop patience." I've also spent countless hours working for charities, I love my family deeply, I do care about the future, and I have been a role model to others. Perhaps what parenthood hasn't taught you is tolerance for others' lifestyles, and the ability to think for yourself and to let others do the same. People who opt not to have children are not evil or maladjusted, they're just different from you. They're no less worthy of respect than their married counterparts. The prejudicial attitudes against childless couples are unfair and archaic. Life is not one size fits all! And frankly, my dear Scarlet, it's none of your business what others choose to do! Please descend from your bully pulpit and focus on bettering the parts of you that parenthood hasn't improved.

'Pay it forward'

This is one difference in the view of those who want children and those who do not. The innate importance of continuing the human race for fear of humans running out or not enough 'good' ones being about.

This could be a very narrow minded or out there comment but I wonder if people with this view point have underlying fear and anxiety in terms of feeling connected to something greater than themselves. A lack of a spiritual foundation?

You can 'pay it forward' just by being a good person and contributing by not causing more problems or helping others.

You fail to mention the high amount of parents who abuse, neglect or bring their children up in ways that impact other people or the environment(important for future generations) in negative ways.

The population is only getting higher(that statistics are there). Orphans are always needing homes. I find it interesting that so many parents have often rude and egotistical and narrow minded views on why people do not have children or should have children.

It would be great if more parents could start to be more honest on why they actually have children or decided to have children.

Its idiotic to state in this day and age that a person has children to contribute a good person into the world.
The world is not lacking in babies and children that could be guided into wonderful adults.
Carrying on your family line and praising your DNA(when most parents do not have their health checked prior to conception). Is quite egotistical. Nature is competitive and having your own children is competitive?

Based on my experience, you can be a good mom even if you don't like kids as ironic as that sounds.
I didn't like kids and still don't. They are expensive, messy, annoying, needy, etc. But I love my kid, because he is MY kid and not coz he is a kid. I didn't feel anything for him at birth, but as i got to know him and established a relationship with him, i learned to love him. Isn't that the same for any other relationship?

Also, pregnancy hormones will normally change the mommy's brain to like their own babies at the very least.

That said, I have known some very shallow and self-centered parents who didn't care for anybody except themselves.

So sometimes it isn't about whether one has a nurturing gene or not, but rather how able one is in loving another person be it a baby, kid or adult.

Short answer? Because throughout the ages a lot of people were forced/coerced to have children when they didn't really want to. Thus, the psychological meme of not desiring children has continued to perpetuate.

My theory? It's because this "world" isn't real. It's a construct designed to get reactions from us (based on scientific discoveries concerning the way electrons behave at the subatomic level only when observed by an observer, i.e. "us"). Nothing appears or disappears that wasn't part of the original construct, which explains why obviously destructive behaviors continue to occur all over the planet when it is patently clear that these behaviors will have negative consequences to all involved, even the perpetrators who engage in these destructive behaviors. It also explains why ideas and memes, such as not wanting children, continue through the generations. To perpetuate the illusion of free will, successive generations must be allowed access to the idea to "choose" not to have children.

Its an interesting point you raise and one I often thing about.

I believe that it is not related to 'bad' genetics. I know a number of people who have been an incompatible match genetically for having healthy children(or have had poor health themselves) and yet have still felt the desire to reproduce, sometimes even after knowing.

The opposite of that is the healthy people I have known who have decided to not have children.

This is probably an area many would find uneasy to explore that the meaning of life is not always to reproduce, but to contribute.

Children take up a lot of time, physical energy and 'life force' If parents barely get any time to themselves, no time to ponder about life, to meditate, time for hobbies, time for work that contributes to the rest of humanity, work that needs them to remain emotionally detached to a certain extent, or to have a large amount of spare time or energy.

They either negatively impact their children by not nurting them to their full extent by trying to divide themselves up, the child does not have a close bond with the parent as is split between other caretakers(which has psychological implications if this is not always the same person regularly for extended time), or they do not do any of those things because all of the time is going onto the child.

A person without children is able to dedicate themselves more to other things that can positively impact other children whos parents could not fulfil those things.

I would think of humans more as bees, ants, wolves, those without children can infact be contributing to the overall raising of the 'queens' offspring (forget the male/female ratio) if every wolves, ant, bee decided to single off in pairs, have their own and split between working and parenting, its raises the question of whether the quality and survival rates would remain the same. (Yes I know we are not bees or wolves or ants but I hope my point is still understandable, the majority of animal groups have a few that remain childless or for longer in order to help raise the others, maybe its an inbuilt survival mechanism to help with the rearing of other offspring that if left and the childness animal or insect had their own, it would impact them and their 'group' in a negative way, therfore them having their 'own' is less beneficial )