The Dance of Connection

Stress

Are You a Distancer or a Pursuer?

Harriet Lerner Ph.D. on June 19, 2022

If you pursue a distancer, they will distance more. If you distance from a pursuer they will pursue more.

If you pursue a distancer, they will distance more. If you distance from a pursuer they will pursue more.

Anger

What to Do When Getting Angry Gets You Nowhere

Harriet Lerner Ph.D. on March 27, 2022

Anger signals a problem, but it won't tell you how to solve it. Here's what you need to know.

Anger signals a problem, but it won't tell you how to solve it. Here's what you need to know.

Anxiety

What Does the Future Hold for Your Child?

Harriet Lerner Ph.D. on November 21, 2021

Your total ignorance about your child’s future is reason enough to maintain optimism and hope.

Your total ignorance about your child’s future is reason enough to maintain optimism and hope.

Marriage

This Common Habit Is Hazardous to Your Marriage

Harriet Lerner Ph.D. on October 31, 2021

No couple is immune to this downward-spiraling marital dance.

No couple is immune to this downward-spiraling marital dance.

Relationships

How Not to Marry Your Future Ex-Spouse

Harriet Lerner Ph.D. on October 4, 2021

Stay awake and pay attention to these three sources of information.

Stay awake and pay attention to these three sources of information.

Marriage

3 Actions to Turn Your Marriage Around

Harriet Lerner Ph.D. on September 26, 2021

Do these three things with your partner and stay with it for three weeks. 

Do these three things with your partner and stay with it for three weeks. 

Anxiety

Mothers, You Did Not Cause Your Child's Problems

Harriet Lerner Ph.D. on July 25, 2021

Don't buy into the myth that you can control your child's behavior or how they "turn out."

Don't buy into the myth that you can control your child's behavior or how they "turn out."

Forgiveness

Why Apologizing for Past Neglect Is So Powerful

Harriet Lerner Ph.D. on July 11, 2021

The most interesting part of an apology may be what happens later.

The most interesting part of an apology may be what happens later.

Marriage

The 3 Essential Ingredients of Happy-Enough Coupledom

Harriet Lerner Ph.D. on June 6, 2021

It often amazes me that all marriages don’t fly apart by the baby’s first birthday.

It often amazes me that all marriages don’t fly apart by the baby’s first birthday.

Anger

10 Steps to Setting Boundaries and Sticking to Them

Harriet Lerner Ph.D. on March 7, 2021

People won’t love you for setting boundaries so don’t expect applause.

People won’t love you for setting boundaries so don’t expect applause.

Anxiety

How to Be Free of Your Dysfunctional Family

Harriet Lerner Ph.D. on February 28, 2021

Families are not fair, but distance and blame don't work. Here's what you need to know.

Families are not fair, but distance and blame don't work. Here's what you need to know.

Anxiety

Are You a Girl, a Lady, or a Woman? Why Language Matters

Harriet Lerner Ph.D. on February 14, 2021

Do you prefer being called a "girl," a "lady," or a "woman"? Yes, it matters.

Do you prefer being called a "girl," a "lady," or a "woman"? Yes, it matters.

Marriage

3 Actions to Take to Save Your Marriage

Harriet Lerner Ph.D. on February 7, 2021

A successful couple relationship requires you to do these three things—even if you don't want to.

A successful couple relationship requires you to do these three things—even if you don't want to.

Resilience

Seven Steps Toward an Authentic Voice

Harriet Lerner Ph.D. on January 2, 2021

Here are the seven "simple" steps toward having an authentic voice.

Here are the seven "simple" steps toward having an authentic voice.

Anger

One Essential Ingredient of Happy Couples

Harriet Lerner Ph.D. on December 27, 2020

Are you fighting about who's right? Here's how to shift directions.

Are you fighting about who's right? Here's how to shift directions.

Empathy

2 Keys to an Authentic Voice and a Joyful Self

Harriet Lerner Ph.D. on December 6, 2020

Consider these two requirements for authenticity and joy.

Consider these two requirements for authenticity and joy.

Embarrassment

The Real Scoop on Your Dependency and Suffering

Harriet Lerner Ph.D. on November 28, 2020

Dependency has gotten a bad rap. So has suffering. Here's the real scoop.

Dependency has gotten a bad rap. So has suffering. Here's the real scoop.

Confidence

Ten Steps to Having Both a Relationship and a Self

Harriet Lerner Ph.D. on July 26, 2020

Here are my cliff notes on a building a strong “I” and a strong “We" in love, work, and friendship.

Here are my cliff notes on a building a strong “I” and a strong “We" in love, work, and friendship.

Empathy

Try the No. 1 Listening Challenge for Couples

Harriet Lerner Ph.D. on May 31, 2020

Surprise your partner by trying "the ultimate listening experiment." Your relationship will thank you.

Surprise your partner by trying "the ultimate listening experiment." Your relationship will thank you.

Anger

Three Simple Rules for Criticizing a Difficult Person

Harriet Lerner Ph.D. on March 1, 2020

Are you about to criticize a difficult or defensive person? Learn these three simple rules.

Are you about to criticize a difficult or defensive person? Learn these three simple rules.