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Anxiety

How Parents Can Help Their Kids With School Anxiety

Tips for anticipating school anxiety and preparing your child to thrive.

Key points

  • It's normal for parents and children to both have anxiety about going back to school.
  • Eighty-six percent of school-aged children reported worrying at least some of the time.
  • Sixty-seven percent of kids turn to their parents for advice when they’re worried.

The back-to-school season is always an exciting time for my family and for me, but it also brings plenty of anxiety—for both me as the parent and for my children. I worry about my kids staying in the right friend group, excelling in their classes, and, unfortunately, staying safe while at school. My kids have similar worries, with the majority of their focus being on socializing with their peers and getting good grades (in large part to keep their parents happy!). And my family is not alone in having worries around this time of year: a 2023 study from Nemours Children’s Health found that 86 percent of school-aged children reported worrying at least some of the time and that more than one in three children ages 9 to 13 years worry at least once a week. The biggest worries that children had were about school (64 percent), which reflects what I’ve seen in patients and my own children.

It’s important for us as parents to anticipate the possibility of school anxiety this month and next, open up communication channels with our child, and prepare some de-escalation methods in case they are needed.

Get Your School Routine Started Now: While we all love indulging in the lazy, unscheduled days of summer, it can really help kids (and you!) prepare for the rigors of back to school after the summer or even just a long break by getting into a good routine again. Try to get your child waking up earlier—even just by 30 minutes—after going to bed at a decent hour and cutting back on their screen time. Gradual changes in their routines will help the school days seem less shocking to their system.

Acclimate Them to the School Environment: For some children, especially those with a history of school anxiety or avoidance, it can be helpful to slowly reintroduce them to the school environment and general milieu. For instance, you can coordinate with the school to have your child come to the building, walk around, see their classroom, and possibly meet their teachers if they are preparing for the year. Often the school lunchroom and hallways are the most anxiety provoking, so make it a fun outing by decorating the inside of their locker or bringing in and enjoying their favorite meal in the cafeteria. An hour and a few touchpoints can go a long way to reducing first-day jitters.

Identify the Different Worries Between Teens and Younger Children: The age of a child is a huge factor in how kids showcase and handle their anxiety. For example, teenagers experiencing school anxiety often grapple with worries about their social standing, fear of embarrassment, or feeling called out by their peers. Thinking about awkward social situations can be triggering for them. Younger children tend to worry more about being away from a parent or caregiver, focusing on “what-if” scenarios that could happen while they are at school. Remember, having fear and anxiety about school is OK and totally normal, and you should make sure your child knows they aren’t alone. Whatever their worry, it is important for us as parents to (1) identify the fear and (2) acknowledge it with them so you can work through it together and provide targeted support and reassurance.

Talk About Your Own Anxiety: Try to be open and honest with your child about your own struggles with anxiety. If you had a hard time going back to school as a child, talk to them about it. Share a story of when you were worried at school and what made you feel better. In the Nemours Children’s Health study, researchers found that 67 percent of kids turn to their parents for advice when they’re worried, so if you can talk openly about your own struggles with anxiety at school or work, it will make your child feel less alone or perhaps more open to expressing their own concerns.

Seek Professional Help: For some kids, the anxiety around going to school may require additional assistance outside of your support. Remember, there is nothing wrong with your child needing help from a mental health professional, who can be a great resource and provide specialized support and guidance. According to a recent study by Blue Shield of California and BlueSky, more than three in five (61 percent) adolescents said they have experienced obstacles in receiving or trying to receive professional mental health care. You are your child’s best advocate and cheerleader in helping them get the care they need. A professional can help identify and address the underlying causes of your child’s worries, create tailored management strategies, and even work with the school to help your child succeed.

As parents, it is important for us to be attuned to our child’s anxiety about school, whether that be on the first day or mid-year. In the Blue Shield of California and BlueSky study, 58 percent of adolescents surveyed reported regular feelings of anxiety and 54 percent reported feeling stressed regularly, so your child is not alone. If we can look for the initial signs of anxiety and understand our child’s particular fears, we’ll be better armed to help implement thoughtful strategies that will reduce their fears and set them up for a year of success and fun.

References

What’s Worrying America’s Kids | Survey. www.nemours.org/well-beyond-medicine/what-s-worrying-america-s-kids-sur….

Blue Shield of California and Harris Poll. BlueSky Youth Mental Health Survey. June 2023, s3.amazonaws.com/cms.ipressroom.com/347/files/20236/FINAL_Blue+Shield+of+California_BlueSky+Harris+Poll+2023+Report.pdf.

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