Lessons All Leaders Learn on the Way Up

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For several years, I've built and led leadership development programs. I've helped leaders at all levels develop the skills they need to transition from one level to the next. Individual contributors transitioned to their first management roles, beginning to learn about what it means to manage people. Senior leaders became executives and learned what it means to truly lead a company, where every action reflects the culture and values.

In these courses, we cover the management transition, moving from a peer to a manager of peers, and how hard it can be. The classic example is “No more going to happy hour.” But the move into leadership and its continued path upward is a lot more significant and includes numerous sacrifices that are often not discussed. Recognizing the transitions that many executives face can help a leader better develop their skills, avoid common pitfalls, and overall lead a better team.

Transition 1: Peer Group

The first key shift is the changing peer group. The new role means new social dynamics with colleagues who were previously peers. At a large organization, leaders may find a new peer group in their fellow managers and can begin to create connections at this new level. But with each move up the career ladder, the peer group gets a little smaller, and those peers have more responsibility with less time for the general connection and the conversations that build relationships. Those relationships may also become more political, with fellow leaders competing for talent, resources, and recognition.

To address this, we remind leaders of the importance of fostering strong relationships and role modeling doing so for their own team. Gallup, a leading research firm, shares that intentionality starts with leaders who celebrate and champion best friends at work, from the C-suite to frontline managers. Employees learn behavioral norms and cues from their managers and leaders, and they need an OK from leaders to develop friendships on the job.¹ This is especially important for leaders who manage remote colleagues, for whom connections can be harder to make and take a formalized effort to build and maintain.

Although a shrinking peer group may mean fewer work friends and confidantes, friends at work matter. Research from KPMG, the consulting company, shows that most professionals find that work friendships help them feel more engaged, satisfied on the job, and connected to their workplaces.² The more organizations can do to help colleagues have relationships in place as they move up, the easier the transition will be.

Transition 2: Increased Responsibility

Leaders take on an increased set of responsibilities in the work they do, the decisions they make, and the well-being of their team. As they travel up the leadership chain, a leader gains more visibility to the organization, deals with more information they cannot share with their team, and takes on more that they need to shoulder individually. The increased level of responsibility and its scope make the job more intense.

Self-reflection becomes a key skill for leaders to develop as the elements begin to change; it helps to be able to build a plan for self-sustainment. As they say on the airplane, put your mask on first before helping others. We must teach leaders to take care of themselves, strive to create the work/life balance they need, and address stress in the moment. By making sure they are sustained, they will have more time and bandwidth for their team when needed. Harvard Business School shared that by regularly reflecting on beliefs and values and incorporating them into actions, leaders can make ethical decisions and enable their company to be more purpose-driven.³

Transition 3: Expectation Setting

As a leader, work suddenly becomes more serious. Having invested time and effort to reach this level of their career, leaders begin to realize that the organization is built like a pyramid for a reason. Not everyone has the skill set they do or the willingness to do what it takes to achieve it. They ask themselves why others can’t be more like them and begin to realize that they’re at a different place or on a different path, and there is no room for everyone to move up.

To support their team, leaders need to focus on individual recognition. Too often, we teach leaders that they should prepare their full team for leadership; everyone should be working to get to the next level. Not only is this not possible, but it is not the goal of every employee. Leaders need to recognize each employee and meet them where they are, applying a scaffolded learning approach to development. Good leaders support all team members through development, no matter the path that they are on.

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Becoming a leader is hard work. The environment can seem less safe, less fun, and harder to manage. Helping to build relationships, opportunities for self-reflection, and individual development, individuals lean away from the work-harder mindset and instead take the opportunity to grow and become better leaders for themselves and their teams.