How to Heal From Narcissistic Abuse

As a psychologist who works with many survivors of childhood trauma, including narcissistic abuse, I was honored to interview Orenda Fink, whose memoir The Witch's Daughter vividly recounts her own trauma. We talked about the signs of narcissistic abuse and how Jungian coaching can help you heal.

Source: Simon & Schuster

Juli Fraga (JF): What are the signs of narcissistic abuse?

Orenda Fink (OF): Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional and psychological manipulation where the abuser seeks to control their victim to extract emotional, physical, or material resources. This control is often exerted covertly through tactics such as gaslighting, cycles of idealization and devaluation, false accusations, and feigned victimhood. These relationships are typically erratic and emotionally draining, often leading the victim to lose their sense of self and become dependent on the narcissist.

Victims of narcissistic abuse may experience a range of symptoms, including:

• Confusion and self-doubt: Gaslighting and manipulation can make victims question their perceptions and reality.
• Isolation: Narcissists often alienate their victims from friends, family, or support systems to maintain control.
• Emotional rollercoaster: Victims endure cycles of love-bombing followed by devaluation, creating a highly addictive dynamic.
• Physical symptoms: Chronic stress from the abuse can manifest as headaches, insomnia, or digestive issues.
• Trauma bonding: Victims may feel an intense emotional attachment to their abuser despite the harm caused.

These dynamics can occur in various relationships—romantic, familial, professional, or platonic. Narcissists often appear charming and charismatic in public, which adds to the victim’s confusion and isolation.

JF: In your memoir, you vividly share your own experience with narcissistic abuse. I know that Jungian therapy has helped you heal and that you now offer Jungian coaching. As a psychologist with psychoanalytic training, I'm really curious about Jungian depth psychology. What can you tell us?

OF: Jungian depth psychology, developed by Carl Jung, focuses on exploring the unconscious mind to achieve psychological growth and integration. This approach delves into hidden aspects of the psyche, such as repressed emotions, unconscious fears, unresolved trauma, and archetypal patterns, to bring them into conscious awareness.

Key concepts in Jungian psychology include:

• The shadow: This represents parts of ourselves we reject or suppress. By integrating these aspects, we can achieve greater self-awareness and balance, and conscious control.
• Dream analysis: Dreams serve as a bridge between the conscious and unconscious mind, revealing valuable insights into personal struggles or desires.
• Active imagination: A technique, much like a guided meditation, where individuals engage with unconscious material (e.g., images or emotions) to process and integrate it consciously.

As a Jungian coach specializing in shadow work, I help clients uncover suppressed aspects of their psyche—often revealed through dreams or emotional triggers—and guide them toward integrating these elements into their conscious lives. This process fosters self-awareness and personal transformation.

JF: How can Jungian depth work help someone heal from narcissistic abuse?

OF: Depth psychology helps survivors by:

1. Uncovering unconscious narratives: Through techniques like dream analysis or exploring emotional triggers, survivors can identify harmful beliefs implanted by the narcissist (e.g., "I am unworthy," or "I am to blame," or “It is unsafe to express my needs.”)
2. Rewriting these narratives: By bringing these beliefs into consciousness, survivors can challenge and replace them with healthier perspectives.
3. Integrating the shadow: Many survivors have traits like assertiveness or selfishness in their shadow due to societal conditioning or past trauma. By embracing these traits in a healthy way (e.g., setting boundaries), they reclaim their sense of agency and selfhood.

For example, in my own recovery journey as a survivor of childhood narcissistic abuse, I discovered that "selfishness" was a shadow aspect for me. I feared being perceived as selfish due to my upbringing and avoided asserting my needs or boundaries. Through shadow work, I learned to embrace the positive side of putting myself first—self-care, healthy boundaries, and confident assertiveness, which were crucial for my healing.

By addressing both conscious behaviors and unconscious patterns, Jungian depth psychology empowers survivors to rebuild their identity and regain control over their lives after narcissistic abuse.