Guilt
From Malibu: The Dangers of Survivor’s Guilt
Personal Perspective: Facing a natural disaster is traumatic, whatever the outcome.
Posted February 3, 2025 Reviewed by Monica Vilhauer Ph.D.
Key points
- Survivor guilt is prevalent after a natural disaster.
- It’s common for those who didn’t suffer the worst outcome to have conflicted emotions.
- Talking with others about survivor guilt can help to ease the pain, as can trauma-based therapies.
I spend the majority of my time at my partner’s home in Malibu. When the recent fires swept through nearby Pacific Palisades, all the gas and electricity were shut off in Malibu. Without a working generator, we had no heat, no power, no internet, no phone, and no way of knowing how closely the fires were encroaching. Like so many others during that hellish time, we had no choice but to evacuate.
We were fortunate; our home survived the inferno. And we survived, too, although not without some emotional burn scars of our own. Too many dear friends had lost all they owned. The once idyllic hamlet that was Pacific Palisades, where we’d so often shopped and dined and played, now looked like post-war Dresden. Mother Nature, which has blessed our neighborhood with so much beauty, had revealed her vengeful alter ego. Life as we once knew it would never be the same.
But the most inexplicable pain I’ve been seeing is not from those whose homes and businesses were destroyed. They have an obvious reason to mourn, and everyone acknowledges their right to suffer. No, what’s troubling me is the amount of survivor guilt I’m witnessing. I hear it over and over again—in the supermarket, on social media, in the neighborhood as I walk the dog. People who were lucky enough to escape the worst outcome of this natural disaster seem to feel guilty about their good fortune and deny they have any reason at all to complain about their experience.
A case in point: One woman I know, who has done more good for authors than anyone I’ve ever met, barely escaped the Palisades fire. It jumped her pool and scorched her backyard, but firefighters were able to contain it before it reached her house. She posted on Instagram about how awful she was feeling despite her good luck; all she could hear in her head was, “What right do YOU have to feel so sad?”
This disconcerted me enough that I decided to do some research into survivor guilt—and what I discovered surprised me.
It’s a far more common phenomenon than I’d realized—one study showed survivor guilt affected up to 90% of those who had lived through a disaster where fatalities were involved. [1] While it once had its own classification in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, survivor guilt is now considered a symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder. Given its prevalence and diagnostic significance, one would think that a great deal of study has been devoted to understanding and treating it. But apparently, it hasn’t. [2]
As a mental health advocate, this deeply concerns me because survivor guilt is associated with higher levels of suicidality. [3] Many survivors are “caught in a continual battle to make sense of their survival, leading to persistent guilt and feelings of disentitlement to life.” [4] Underlying this negative self-appraisal is a gnawing discontent with the overall unfairness of the universe—a realization that in fact, inequity does exist. This kind of moral injury is hard for anyone to accept, let alone those who have just come through a disaster.
I know this to be true from my own experience. There is no greater trigger for my worst suicidal depressions than the belief that the world is unjust and unfair. This inevitably leads to unhealthy rumination, forcing me deeper down into the depression spiral. All the more reason why survivor guilt should not be taken lightly, as if it’s a fleeting phenomenon that will quickly pass once life has resumed some degree of normalcy. In fact, studies have shown that it can last months, even years after the traumatic event. [5]
Ironically, there are actually some benefits to survivor guilt. In order to restore the balance of equity, survivors are often moved to altruism. We’ve seen this all over Los Angeles—people who have never met before are banding together to try to help those who have suffered the worst; fire consciousness and prevention movements are springing up in neighborhoods and local governments. Many people also experience a new and profound awareness of the preciousness of life, the importance of making every moment count.
This kind of post-traumatic growth is helpful, but the benefits only seem to last as long as the person is able to make the desired amends. [6] Not everyone has the means or the opportunity to do so, which leads to a greater sense of frustration and unresolved guilt. I think what’s missing is an overall recognition that all of us who faced the fires—whether or not we suffered measurable loss—are entitled to our grief, our sadness, our sense that something irreplaceable has been taken from us. Our certainty in tomorrow has been badly shaken.
I encourage anyone experiencing survivor guilt to recognize the normalcy of their emotions; and to talk about them with friends, neighbors, family, and loved ones. You may be surprised to learn how many others are feeling the same way. And if you notice that your daily functioning is being affected, by all means seek out professional help. Trauma-based techniques can help ease the pain—EMDR and cognitive behavioral therapy, for example, can address the distorted thoughts underlying the grief, like the belief that life should always be fair. Medication can help with persistent depression and anxiety.
Most of all, I think we need to seek out the wisdom of survivors like Victor Frankl, who endured the concentration camps and emerged with a powerful theory of recovery. In Man’s Search for Meaning, Frankl explained that we can survive even the most brutal circumstances, if only we find some meaning in our suffering. Helping survivors do this is not a one-person job; it takes all of us talking, sharing, listening to each other—regardless of our particular outcomes. Because no matter how much we may deny or downplay it, this tragic disaster touched us all.
To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
References
[1] Bistas, Grewal. Cureas 2023 Sep 21; 15(9): e45703
[2] Id.; see also Murray, Pethania, Medin. Cogn Behav Therap. 2021 Sep 16;14:e28.
[3] Murray, H.L. Journal of Loss and Trauma 2018 23(7), 600–607
[4] Murray, Pethania, et al.
[5] Hull, Alexander, Klein. Br J Psychiatry. 2002 Nov; 181:433-8
[6] Murray, Pethunia, et al.