Regret and Reality: Living Beyond Society's Pressures

A gentle breeze can scatter the pages of destiny

Reflect on how the pages turn with the passing of days and nights

–Saeb Tabrizi, Iranian poet

One thing we are often reminded of, but still tend to forget, is that we have failed to enjoy the moments of our lives and have ended up wasting them. We, and perhaps our brains, constantly push ourselves to plan for the future: to achieve, to succeed, to progress. But that future often never comes. Instead, it is replaced by new worries and new goals. Stories we hear from nurses and doctors about people near death are filled with regret—regret for not living life the way they should have, and for not giving enough attention to their loved ones.

It is important to realize how much time we spent focusing on our children's education rather than creating joyful memories with them. How harsh we have been with our spouses, instead of revisiting the warmth of our early marriage. And above all, how cruelly we treated ourselves, our bodies and minds, through stress, exhaustion, and anxiety.

Our daily routines and endless concerns have enslaved us, even though we think we are in control of our lives. Alain de Botton, a contemporary British-Swiss philosopher who aims to connect philosophy with everyday life, believes that our chances to truly live are limited. With a somewhat pessimistic view, he reminds us that trouble or tragedy might await at any turn in life. From his perspective, we are trapped in an unrealistic idea of success that society and the media have planted in us. This idea tells us that with enough effort, life can be pain-free and full of happiness. But in truth, much of our suffering comes not from reality, but from our false expectations shaped by modern culture.

The Anxiety of Modern Success

Modern people constantly feel anxious about appearing successful in the eyes of others, whether in career, relationships, or wealth. De Botton calls this “status anxiety”: the fear of being ranked lower than others in the social hierarchy. Many people do not understand the root of their emotional pain, which leads them to repeat mistakes, entering toxic relationships, falling into depression or addiction. Traditional belief systems are collapsing, yet no clear new worldview has completely replaced them. As a result, modern humans face a crisis of meaning of life and the threat of nihilism, especially during times of hardship.

Overall, De Botton believes that life is full of hardship and that people are under intense pressure to adopt false values promoted by modern culture. But the solution is not to deny these problems, but to accept them wisely and equip ourselves with emotional and philosophical tools to face them. He suggests that each person must redefine success and progress based on their own personal beliefs. We must redefine success in a way that prioritizes ourselves and the people we love [1].

A Personal Reflection on Change

Recent events in my life have made me reflect more deeply on Alain de Botton’s philosophical worldview. Just a few days ago, I was in the lab working on a project focused on reducing age-related inflammation in the elderly to decrease age-associated illnesses. At the same time, I was busy finishing my teaching sessions for undergraduate and postgraduate students and preparing for final exams. I was reading, writing intensely, and teaching in class. I had submitted several articles to different journals, which were under review, and I was eagerly waiting for the outcomes. These articles felt extremely important to me. I believed that their publication would mark a turning point in my professional life. However, I have had other projects in the past that led to publications, and each time, despite the lack of resources, I thought they might carry significant value, not just for me, but for the scientific community and even for humanity. Yet, aside from adding a few more papers to my record, they never brought much feedback, no one ever said, “Wow.”

Still, my big dreams kept pushing me forward. Even as things got tougher, I would design a new project to continue the work. Some of my colleagues would look at me with a mix of concern and sympathy, as if saying, “Why all this effort for so little?” But I did not stop until a few nights ago, when a massive explosion shook the building next to ours. I woke up not as a scientist, but as a war-torn. Suddenly, we were thrown into a conflict as extras. Now I think of similar scenes from places like Ukraine, Lebanon, and Gaza. They used to be just tragic images on a screen to me. It felt like those events were light-years away from my life, things that would never happen to me.

I was consumed with my academic career, while the casualties in those wars were just sad statistics in the media. And now, I have become part of the same kind of tragedy, something I never imagined, even in my worst dreams. Now, under the sound of defense fire and distant explosions, I sit in a basement with my anxious children and regret the times I did not spend with them. I was too strict about their studies, too focused on achievements.

Now I think, if I make it through these hard days, I want to live more in the moment. I want to spend more joyful time with my family and friends. I want to care more for myself and my health. I want to care less about chasing empty professional success or trying to be seen in scientific circles, recognition that never really came anyway. Today, the only thing I receive is being featured in a news headline as a victim of a disaster, much like the distant lives that once appeared on my television screen.