20 Ways to Boost Relationship and Sexual Satisfaction

People often ask, “How can I make my relationship better?” For some, that means improving affection, attraction, and general relationship satisfaction. For others, it means turning up desire, passion, and overall sexual satisfaction, too. Therefore, I’m always on the lookout for new research that helps people increase their loving connection and sensual chemistry—especially when the “fix” is relatively simple and easy to add to a relationship routine.

Fortunately, I found that kind of research in this year’s Archives of Sexual Behavior journal, by Clark and Lefkowitz (2025). As the title suggests, the pair was interested in exploring “sexual and affectionate behaviors and satisfaction for adults in romantic relationships.” To do so, they surveyed romantic partners of different gender identities and sexual orientations about how often they performed various intimate relationship behaviors. Those answers were then used to create three unique partner behavioral profiles:

• Infrequent physical behavior partners: those who did not frequently engage in any affectionate or sexual behaviors, except for a moderate amount of kissing and hugging.
• Affection-focused behavior partners: those who engaged in frequent affectionate behaviors, but not sexual behaviors.
• Comprehensive physical behavior partners: those who performed both affectionate and sexual behaviors frequently.

Clark and Lefkowitz then looked for differences among those three behavioral types. First, they found no differences in the affectionate or sexual behaviors of man/man, woman/woman, man/woman, or gender-diverse relationships. Second, however, they did find a significant difference in relationship and sexual satisfaction between partners who were infrequent, affectionate, or comprehensive with their physical behaviors.

Specifically, the team found that partners who were more affection-focused or comprehensive in their relationship behaviors had significantly higher relationship satisfaction than those with infrequent physical behaviors. Also, partners performing comprehensive physical behaviors were the most sexually satisfied, followed by affection-focused partners—with infrequent physical behavior partners least sexually satisfied overall.

Taken together, the results indicate that performing the right affectionate or sexual behaviors, at the right frequency, can significantly increase relationship and sexual satisfaction. Furthermore, the results hold true in all romantic relationships. But that begs the questions: “What are the right behaviors, and how frequently should they be performed?”

Affectionate Behaviors and Satisfaction

Using a questionnaire of their own design, Clark and Lefkowitz identified affectionate behaviors engaged in by intimate partners, at least once a month or so. In roughly general order of frequency (high to low), important affectionate behaviors are:

• Hugging
• Kissing on the lips
• Kissing on the face
• Cuddling
• Arm around partner
• Holding hands
• Kissing on the head
• Caressing face
• Staring into eyes
• Spooning
• Massaging shoulders/back
• Sitting in lap

On average, infrequently physical partners engaged in the first six behaviors (hugging to holding hands) about one to three times a week. They engaged in the rest of the behaviors at least once every two weeks. In contrast, affectionate and comprehensive partners performed almost all those behaviors (except spooning, massaging, and lap sitting) pretty much every day. Furthermore, on average, comprehensive partners spooned with each other daily, while massaging and lap-sitting at least once a week.

Together, those results highlight the importance of partners getting close, touching, and kissing, to which I devote a chapter in my book Attraction Psychology (Nicholson, 2022). Specifically, behaving affectionately with your partner daily can significantly increase relationship satisfaction. So, learn how to get close, touch to build attraction, and brush up on your kissing techniques as well. Beyond that, if you want to make a move toward more sexual behaviors (and sexual satisfaction), try to spoon with and massage your partner a few times a week, too.

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Sexual Behaviors and Satisfaction

Clark and Lefkowitz also identified sexual behaviors engaged in by intimate partners, at least once a month or so. In roughly general order of frequency (high to low), important sexual behaviors are:

• Deep kissing/making out
• Chest/breast touching
• Genital touching
• Kissing chest/breast
• Oral sex
• Genital-genital contact
• Penetration
• Masturbation or sex toys

Overall, infrequently physical partners engaged in the first seven behaviors (deep kissing to penetration) about once a month. Affectionate partners were a bit more erotic, deeply kissing and touching every week or two. Nevertheless, their foreplay and sex-related behaviors were about once a month as well.

In contrast, comprehensive partners kissed deeply and touched erotically about three or four times a week, while engaging in foreplay and sex around once or twice a week. To spice things up, some also used a toy or masturbated with each other, too (every couple of weeks or so). This was also the group that was the most sexually satisfied.

Therefore, as I also explain in my book, learning the right approach to making things more physical and sexual is essential for mutual satisfaction (Nicholson, 2022). Particularly, it is important to learn how to progress from affectionate to sexual touching, have better foreplay, and identify what makes sex satisfying for your partner. Otherwise, you might rub your partner the wrong way—and have less satisfying sex than you both want instead.

Conclusion

Overall, this research shows that relationship and sexual satisfaction depend on how you behave toward your partner every day. It also shows how routine affection impacts sex. It is all one continuous process of bonding and relating, with a progression of affectionate and sexual behavior at the center of that process.

So, if you want to make your relationship better, it might help to make sure to hug and kiss your partner goodbye in the morning. Then, be sure to find time to snuggle and deeply kiss them in the evening as well. If so, then by bedtime, you both might be motivated to do something other than sleep—and be a lot more satisfied with your relationship and sex life, too.

© 2025 by Jeremy S. Nicholson, M.A., M.S.W., Ph.D. All rights reserved.

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