Child Development
Kids Trust Google Over Grandma
How conversation can rebuild connection and help kids "struggle" productively.
Posted May 9, 2025 Reviewed by Tyler Woods
Key points
- Research reveals children increasingly trust search engines over adults for answers.
- Meaningful dialogue with children doesn't just build knowledge—it strengthens bonds.
- The "Conversation Two-Step": Respond to children's questions with invitations.
- Try "walking conversations" to boost children's engagement and idea generation.
A few months ago, I spoke with 8-year-old Sofia (name changed), who told me of a problem that's becoming increasingly common. "I hate not knowing things right away," she confessed, twisting a length of hair. "When my teacher asks a question, I just want to Google it." Her parents nodded worriedly. They'd noticed the same impatience during family conversations.
What’s the issue? It might be this: A study published just last month, in April 2025, showed that 164 children from ages 7-10 consistently put more trust in Googling answers than in asking a person—and that trust increases as children get older. Interestingly, when kids were asked whether a person or Google would be better at predicting the future, they showed less trust overall, but still preferred “Googling it.”
Why? Many answered that Google has a lot of information (true enough). Still, they didn’t reflect on what they’re missing: not only the chance to discuss with a real person, but more fundamentally, the deepening of their relationships.
This isn't just about attention spans. Groundbreaking research from Dr. Rachel Romeo's team at Harvard (2018) reveals that the quality of child-adult conversation directly shapes brain development, particularly in regions responsible for focus, critical thinking, and emotional regulation. Their fMRI studies show that children who engage in more back-and-forth dialogue have stronger white matter connectivity between language and executive function areas. These conversations do more than build brains, though. They’re fundamental to shoring up the bonds between us and the kids in our lives.
Consider the difference between 1) sitting in silence; 2) asking, “When are you going to finish your homework?”; and 3) asking, “Why do you think your friend is having so much trouble?” In the first two scenarios, kids aren't given the chance to think through their ideas, nor do they get the chance to spend time learning how we or others think. That’s the way to build their perspective-taking skills and their feelings of connectedness. In an increasingly isolated world, that level of connectedness is key. It’s a quality we need to recover.
The Missing Ingredient in Modern Childhood: Productive Struggle
A 2024 article (Dubinsky & Hamid) found that children learn best when allowed to grapple with challenging concepts in an active learning environment. These environments allow them more agency, as well as promoting their curiosity and motivation. Yet today's "just Google it" culture robs them of this crucial cognitive workout and of that more active, positive struggle.
Instead of passive learning methods, I now use what I call "thinking time,” inviting longer pause periods before answering questions. Also, rather than jumping to an answer immediately, think through the ways in which you might find answer. “What would be the best “next questions” to ask? The best next step?”
Does that mean you need to ditch the parenting scripts? Yes, probably. The thing about scripts is they don’t offer you a lot of leeway. As soon as you think you’ve answered with the “right” answer, the child in front of you will pivot to an unexpected question—or not answer in the way you expected. They also tend to follow the train of their interests—which can be much more engaging and meaningful than simply going along the same track.
“How many stars are there in the sky?” a child might ask. As soon as you’ve started answering, they pivot to: “No, I meant how many dinosaurs.”
Yes, that can be maddening—but if we take a playful, responsive approach, it’s an opportunity to learn more about the child’s interests and to connect. If we get too stuck in a rigid script of questions and answers, that’s hard to do.
Taking Action: The "Conversation Two-Step"
So, what to do? I suggest trying the conversation “two-step.”
- Whether you’re with one child or twenty, come into a conversation with a single goal: to notice and respond to the last question or comment in a way that encourages kids to say more.
- Try simple comments like “I didn’t know that” (if you didn’t) or “Tell me more,” or even “I don’t think so.” Invite children to explain: “Why do you think that?” or “How do you know that?” or “Are there ways that idea could be wrong?”
- Celebrate hearing kids think aloud, debate, and ask questions. That’s the key to building knowledge and skills—and to having them build relationships with one another.
Walk It Out: The Need for Embodied Learning
Several studies, including in the journal Neuroscience (Hillman et al., 2023), indicate that physical movement enhances the ability to pay attention afterward. But what about learning through movement? An intriguing Danish study used whole-body movement and hand movements in an eight-week learning session for children and compared that with traditional movement. As the researchers found, both hand movements and whole-body movement had benefits in learning letter sounds. What's more, the whole body movement had a longer-term effect.
Consider the difference between an eight-year-old child, Adam, who hears “remember this” while sitting in a chair, versus that same child who’s able to walk and gesture while he verbalizes his ideas. In the second case, the whole environment becomes his teacher. If he sees an icicle outside the window, he might connect that to his ideas about weather and rain. If he sees a child playing on the playground, that might connect to his thinking about a story where a child falls off a slide. In either case, the physical activity itself helps stimulate thought.
As a speech-language pathologist, I’ve found that "walking conversations" (talking while moving) to be helpful both in learning and in improving verbal output. Try it on your next two-step talk!
The Bottom Line
As I tell families, caregivers, and educators: "We're not just talking at kids—we’re talking with them, in ways that build skills and relationships." The science is clear: real conversation builds trust and skills—and lets kids evaluate whether “Dr. Google” is right.
Certainly, I’m not anti-tech. I'm also not suggesting we stop “googling it.” After all, where did the citations in this article come from? At the same time, if we don’t help children develop critical thinking skills and creative brainstorming, they’ll have no gauge to sense whether Google is right. They also will miss out on the back-and-forth relationships that build through deeper dialogue.
So start with a 5-minute “Two-Step.” See how it goes! What questions surprise you? What’s the next “best step?”
Also, consider this bottom line: kids can benefit both from “google” and “grandma”—that is, both from online searches and talking to adults. Try sitting with them they look up information. Have a dialogue. Discuss what they find, as a way of building their critical thinking skills, encouraging their curiosity, and shoring up the bond between you.
As the mom of two, a speech-language pathologist, and Harvard lecturer, I'm always excited to hear how these ideas work for you!"
For more information and ideas, visit my website, sign up for my newsletter, or see my other posts at Psychology Today.
