Creating Gratitude in Difficult Times

“We didn’t do our usual gratitude circle around the table this year, saying what we are grateful for,” my recently widowed friend told me. “I just couldn’t do it.”

I understood. I drew a blank when my husband asked me to say something I was grateful for during a meal we’d cooked and were eating together.

As I waited, something came, but what about running the household? At the same time, I was caring for my husband as he convalesced from foot surgery and away from family and friends. This holiday wasn’t what others had been. Gratitude did not come as readily to mind as it had in the Thanksgivings of the past.

I became curious about how elusive gratitude can be at times. The grief of recent or current losses can consume our awareness, perhaps partly from the energy it takes to deal with their aftermath. Thinking of the families in North Carolina that have lost their homes and everything in them to Hurricane Helene or families impacted by the wars in Israel and Ukraine—we would need to focus on the good that has come out of these tragedies. The loving support provided by neighbors and community members and the realization that we, the survivors, are still alive. But as with physical pain, when we are still so close to it, it’s hard to appreciate that fact as a comforting thing.

Perhaps that’s why gratitude is a mental, emotional, and spiritual practice. Therapists tell their clients to think of three things they are grateful for before sleeping each night. Or periodically make a gratitude list and celebrate the good, despite whatever challenges emerge. And prominent in every religion is the form of prayer that says “Thank You” to God, the Great Spirit, or the Universe.

Newspapers and my email stream have been filled with articles about gratitude. One of my mentors, Jack Canfield, wrote about gratitude and attracting joy. A quote from Sam Walker, a former editor at the Wall Street Journal, in his article “The Plymouth Colony and the Business Case for Gratitude” stood out: “If bottled, gratitude might be a controlled substance for the 'high' that comes with it.” He maintains from his research that companies building grateful cultures are seen as better places to work, and engaged teams drive business success.

I’m thankful for the national holiday of Thanksgiving, which reminds us of the importance of gratitude. I’m putting an ongoing gratitude list on the refrigerator to add to my daily gratitude list since expressing thanks is how we create gratitude. By expressing thanks often when the going gets tough, I’m counting on appreciation as my automatic, don’t-have-to-think-about-it response.