Parenting
Do You Parent Like a Vending Machine or a Slot Machine?
Should humans act more like machines, and if so, what kind of actions?
Posted November 4, 2021 Reviewed by Vanessa Lancaster
Key points
- Two common machines, a vending machine, and a slot machine, can teach some things about parenting.
- Parents should be like a vending machine when they want to teach a new behavior.
- Once a child has acquired the desired behavior, parents need to become more like a slot machine.
My wife is a science fiction buff! She loves to read science fiction like I, Robot, a collection of short stories by Isaac Asimov. One of the consistent themes in this and other science fiction stories is that machines are becoming more like humans, and at some point in the future, we will no longer need humans, just machines.
This got me thinking…is the reverse true? Should humans act more like machines, and if so, what kind of actions? What kind of machines? Is acting machine-like always a negative thing, or can it also be positive? Can and should parents learn from machines? Let’s consider two commonplace machines: a vending machine and a slot machine. What can they teach us about parenting?
Vending Machines and Slot Machines
Two machines parents are familiar with are vending machines and slot machines. Each has a different job and function. For instance, take the case of a vending machine; every time I put a dollar in and punch the button, I expect to receive a Coke. And if for some reason I don’t get the Coke, I don’t put another dollar into the machine. I simply quit. But that’s not the way a slot machine works now, is it? I put dollar after dollar into the machine even if I get nothing from the machine. I continue feeding dollars into the machine.
When to Be a Vending Machine and Then Turn Into a Slot Machine
Parents should be like a vending machine when they want to teach a new behavior. They should praise and encourage each time their child attempts the new behavior. Tell her what she did well and ask her what she thinks about it. But once she has acquired the behavior, parents need to become more like a slot machine – use praise and encouragement variably. In doing so, children continue to engage in the desired behavior even though they are not praised every time, and furthermore, they don’t become “praise junkies.”
When It Comes to Consequences – Be a Vending Machine NOT a Slot Machine
If you want a behavior to stop, be consistent every time.
Think about it. Which machine do you keep putting money into even though you don’t get anything? For example, are you acting like the vending machine or the slot machine when your son begs for something at the store?
If it is the slot machine, this annoying behavior will continue for a long long long time. If a negative consequence (e.g., leaving the store immediately without any purchases and going home) only occurs every third, fourth or fifth time, the begging will hang on and on. On the other hand, if your behavior is like the vending machine, the begging will stop much more quickly. If each time he begs, the same negative consequence occurs (leave the store immediately and take him home without any purchase), the begging will stop.
Adults who had been overindulged as children report that their parents did not have rules or enforce them if they had them. That is called soft structure. Children who grew up without limits overeat and overspend as adults, and they have problems telling their own children “No.”
Practice Aloha. Do all things with love, grace, and gratitude.
© 2021 David J. Bredehoft
References
Bredehoft, D. J., Mennicke, S. A., Potter, A. M., & Clarke, J. I. 1998. Perceptions attributed by adults to parental overindulgence during childhood. Journal of Family and Consumer Sciences Education, 16(2), 3-17.
Asimov, I. (1950). I, robot. New York: Gnome Press.
Skinner, B.F. (1961). "Teaching machines". Scientific American. 205 (3): 90–112. doi:10.2307/1926170. JSTOR 1926170. PMID 13913636.
Skinner, B. F. (1974). About behaviorism. New York: Vintage.
