Why Many Parents Think Hitting a Child is OK, But Hitting a Pet is Not

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As a clinical psychologist specializing in post-traumatic parenting, I've often encountered a perplexing contradiction: Parents who would never dream of hitting their dog consider spanking their children to be an acceptable form of discipline. This dichotomy raises critical questions about societal beliefs and the misconceptions surrounding corporal punishment.

So many post-traumatic parents—those who have experienced trauma themselves—report trauma around the harsh practices of being spanked or other forms of harsh physical discipline. Some struggle with practice, due to cultural beliefs around "spare the rod, spoil the child" and the mistaken belief that spanking is not violence, it’s educational. But troubling new research suggests that even people who see spanking as more "educational" than harmful do understand that it’s also a form of violence.

The Study: Parental Attitudes Toward Spanking vs. Hitting Pets

A recent study published in the journal Psychology of Violence delved into this issue. Researchers found that American parents are more likely to find hitting children acceptable compared to hitting pets. Specifically, 30% of parents deemed hitting children acceptable, while only 17% felt the same about hitting pets. This disparity suggests a conflicted view of spanking, where it's seen both as a form of hitting and as a less severe action.

The Misconception: Spanking as an Educational Tool

Many parents justify spanking as a necessary disciplinary measure, especially when other methods have failed, or to ensure immediate safety. This belief is often rooted in the notion that spanking teaches children right from wrong. However, extensive research indicates otherwise.

The Reality: Spanking's Detrimental Effects

Contrary to the belief that spanking is educational, studies have shown that it can lead to significant social, emotional, and behavioral issues. Research demonstrates that spanking leads to major social, empathy, and self-control deficits: It makes kids worse.

Furthermore, a comprehensive review in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine found that physical punishment is associated with increased aggression, antisocial behavior, and mental health problems in children.

The Double Standard: Pets vs. Children

Why, then, do some parents refrain from hitting their pets but not their children? One reason may be the societal shift in how we view animals; many now see pets as family members, deserving of gentle care and positive reinforcement. In contrast, outdated beliefs about child-rearing persist, in which physical punishment is seen as a traditional or even necessary method of discipline. So, pets are seen as deserving of gentle care, but humans are not. This seems illogical, but when we think about how many of our parenting practices rely on defaulting to what our parents modeled, it starts to make more sense.

I think that many parents who spank their kids justify it as "educational" or "cultural," but deep down are conflicted. They know that it’s more about adult dysregulation or instinctive responding in the moment than it is about any conscious decision to teach a lesson or transmit some form of cultural value. Talking to parents about the logical fallacy of “educational” violence by framing it as violence against an animal can be helpful to expose those thinking errors.

The Logical Fallacy of "Educational" Violence

Let’s return to the comparison with dogs. If hitting truly serves an educational purpose, why wouldn’t we apply the same logic to animals? Dogs can’t reason like humans, so by this rationale, hitting them should be even more justified. Yet, for most of us, the thought of hitting a dog is abhorrent. If you believe it’s wrong to hit a dog but embrace the philosophy of "spare the rod, spoil the child," you are operating under a logical inconsistency. Either hitting is an acceptable teaching tool for all beings—or it’s not. By this standard, the justification for spanking crumbles under scrutiny.

Breaking the Cycle

For post-traumatic parents, it's crucial to recognize the impact of our disciplinary choices. Continuing the cycle of physical punishment can perpetuate trauma across generations. Instead, embracing positive discipline strategies can foster healthier relationships and more effective behavior management.

Punishment Essential Reads

Rethinking Child Discipline

“Consequences Don’t Work With My Kid!”

Alternatives to spanking include:

• Modeling Regulation. Demonstrate calm and controlled behavior, especially during stressful situations, to teach children how to manage their emotions.
• Natural Consequences. Allow children to experience the natural outcomes of their actions, when safe, to help them understand the effects of their behavior.
• Logical Consequences. Implement consequences that are directly related to misbehavior, helping children make connections between actions and outcomes.
• Redirection. Guide children toward appropriate behaviors by diverting their attention from negative actions.
• Control the Environment, Not the Child. Set up an environment that doesn’t deplete a child’s self-control. Rather than spanking a child who is playing in a dangerous fashion, remove the tempting object. If your child keeps venturing into a busy street, take them back inside.
• Clear and Consistent Rules. Establish and maintain consistent expectations to provide children with a sense of security and understanding of boundaries.

By adopting these methods, parents can discipline effectively without resorting to physical punishment, thereby promoting a more positive and nurturing environment for their children.

Conclusion

The notion that spanking is an acceptable form of discipline while hitting a pet is not reflects deep-seated misconceptions about the role of physical punishment in child-rearing. It's imperative to challenge these beliefs and recognize that spanking is not only ineffective but also harmful. By embracing positive discipline strategies, parents can break the cycle of trauma and foster healthier, more respectful relationships with their children.

Have you been trying a gentler and more responsive approach to parenting, but finding it difficult? Click here to understand why, and here to understand what to do about it. For more resources on the harm caused by spanking, click here. To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.

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