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Parents are finally admitting that the act of parenting itself can burn us out. Soon to be published research into intervention plans for parental burnout reveals that it can be addressed via some relatively low-cost intervention.
In the study, 142 parents were assigned to either a direct intervention or supportive psychotherapy intervention. To measure parental burnout, burnout scales as well as measures of hair cortisol were taken. The hair cortisol levels were evaluated both pre- and post-intervention, using overall cortisol levels as a proxy for stress levels. By using three evaluation methods – self-reported, informant reported, and biological (hair cortisol) methods, researchers were able to attain unprecedented insight into both perception and objective levels of burnout and stress.
The good news is that both interventions were helpful in reducing parental stress and self-reported levels of burnout. The bad news is, of course, that parental burnout is becoming ever more prevalent. Let’s fully understand what we mean by parental burnout.
What Is Parental Burnout?
It’s a state of intense exhaustion related to the parental role, in which parents:
- Become emotionally detached from their children.
- Become doubtful of their capacity to be a good parent.
- Feel that the demands of parenting will always exceed the resources available to meet them.
The consequences of parental burnout include poor health, increased stress markers, and what’s known as negative emotional inertia – a persistent sense of depression and lack of hope that does not lift. In extreme cases, parents have reported suicidal ideation. For children, the consequences of parental burnout include neglect, being raised by emotionally unavailable parents, harsh punishment, and even violence. (To read more about parental burnout, click here, here, and here.)
One mom described her daily hassles to me like this:
It’s like there’s this black cloud over me. I’m tired, but sleep doesn’t help. Especially not the kind of sleep I get. I fall asleep on the couch watching Netflix, and then I stumble to bed about 2 AM. About 4 AM, my son crawls into my bed. He’s wet the bed again, and he’s scared. I know I should get up and strip the linens and help him sleep in his own bed, but I’m just so tired. And then it’s a late morning, getting to work by the skin of my teeth, getting home, trying to get the kids to eat supper, do homework and stop fighting. I promise myself an early night, I promise I’ll clean up, but all I can manage is survival mode, and even that’s hard. A lot of times, when the kids are behaving, and I really could get an early night, I still don’t. I feel so alone. I look at all my friend’s social media, and it’s full of happy moms and kids, and that’s just not me. Like, what’s wrong with me? It’s not that I’m depressed. It’s more like I’m numb. Like I’m a ghost but I didn’t realize I died.
Intervention:
It’s a good sign that parents are finally acknowledging their burnout to themselves and to healthcare practitioners. The first step towards fixing a problem is often acknowledging it. In earlier research, parents admitted to a great deal of shame around their burnout, using a lot of “should” words. Parenting “should” be so rewarding that it doesn’t burn us out, a good mother “should” never feel the need for a break from her children, parents “should” be able to handle these feelings...
Now that parents are admitting to burnout, we can intervene.
Comparing Two Types of Intervention:
Since parental burnout causes shame and guilt, which leads to emotional isolation, the researchers posited group intervention would be most powerful.
The first intervention was a Directive Intervention group, delivered by psychologists who are experts in parental burnout and trained to guide parents to actively work on their parenting stressors. They taught parents how to deal with social pressure, perfectionism, and lack of co-parenting support. They also taught emotion regulation competencies, stress management techniques, and effective child-rearing strategies. (To read more about social pressure, click here.)
The second intervention was a Non-Directive group. It was a support group led by a psychologist trained in active listening
Both interventions consisted of eight weekly two-hour sessions.
Measures of parental stress were taken pre-intervention, immediately after the eight-week sessions, and three months later.
Researchers were also able to isolate a subgroup of 40 parents who signed up early but did not receive the intervention until two months later. This allowed the researchers to obtain stress measures twice before the intervention began, allowing for analysis of how parental burnout progresses without intervention.
Results:
Parental burnout remains stable without intervention. Meaning, this is not a temporary stage, like the “baby blues” that passes on its own.
Results of both interventions showed positive effects on self-reported stress, informant reported symptoms of irritability, positive and negative emotions, and parental burnout, and hair cortisol levels.
Post-intervention, both groups reported a decrease in parental burnout symptoms, negative emotions, parental neglect, and parental violence. Both groups reported an increase in positive emotions. Both group’s self-reports were consistent with informant reports. In terms of objective measures, both groups had a significant decrease in hair cortisol following the intervention.
The non-directive active listening group had the most significant reduction in hair cortisol levels, suggesting that simply being listened to in a non-judgmental manner, undoing shame, guilt, and emotional isolation, and providing emotional support, can be extremely powerful.
Parental Burnout Intervention:
There’s no question parental burnout is dangerous, in both obvious and subtle ways. It has been associated with many harmful outcomes, like child abuse, neglect, emotional abuse, and harsh parenting practices. There are also the invisible consequences of parental burnout – lack of attunement, poor attachment, and not modeling emotional coping to children.
The fact is, children need attachment figures who are present, caring, loving and stable. There is so much data on how parents contribute to self-regulation (to learn more, click here), which in turn leads to enhanced educational and social outcomes. If we want to raise healthy kids, let’s focus on supporting their parents.
© Robyn Koslowitz, 2020
References
Brianda, M.E. , Roskam, I., Gross, J.J., Franssen, A., Kapala, F., Gérard, F., Mikolajczak, M. (2020). Treating Parental Burnout: Impact of Two Treatment Modalities on Burnout Symptoms, Emotions, Hair Cortisol, and Parental Neglect and Violence. Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics.
Hubert, S., & Aujoulat, I. (2018). Parental burnout: When exhausted mothers open up. Frontiers in psychology, 9, 1021.
Moïra Mikolajczak et al, Parental Burnout: What Is It, and Why Does It Matter?, Clinical Psychological Science (2019).
Meeussen, L., & Van Laar, C. (2018). Feeling pressure to be a perfect mother relates to parental burnout and career ambitions. Frontiers in psychology, 9, 2113
Mikolajczak, M., Brianda, M. E., Avalosse, H., & Roskam, I. (2018). Consequences of parental burnout: a preliminary investigation of escape and suicidal ideations, sleep disorders, addictions, marital conflicts, child abuse and neglect. Child Abuse and Neglect, 80, 134-145.
