Losing a Pregnancy Only to Lose One Again
Recurrent pregnancy loss is an isolating and traumatic experience for many.
Posted Jul 12, 2017
Anna R. was having an ultrasound, prepared to see her baby for the first time. When she asked the technician what the sex of the baby was, the tech quickly left the room. The physician then entered to tell Anna there was no heartbeat. This became the first of seven pregnancy losses that she would endure.
Recurrent pregnancy loss (RPL) is typically defined as three consecutive losses prior to 20 weeks from the last menstrual period.
Affecting 1-2% of women, the causes of RPL differ. Advancing maternal age is associated with elevated risks of miscarriages, particularly in women 45 or older. Paternal age can also be a variable, with environmental and genetic factors playing a role as well. The risk of miscarriages further increases with the number of previous miscarriages, reaching approximately 40% after three consecutive losses.
While these causes have been established within the medical community, doctors still struggle to predict what ultimately leads to a couple’s pregnancy loss. Even after numerous tests, Anna’s physicians never found anything wrong, making the loss that much harder to cope with.
After her eighth miscarriage, Tracey Beadle of County Durham, UK told The Northern Echo:
“I think I wanted for them to find something wrong, because that would mean something could either be fixed or give us a reason to stop trying for a baby. We did not know when to stop.”
“A miscarriage is a traumatic loss, not only of the pregnancy, but of a woman’s sense of self and her hopes and dreams of the future. She has lost her ‘reproductive story’, and it needs to be grieved.”
This grief is unique, in that expectant mothers and fathers mourn a child that never came to be. As Kate Evans, a woman who had six miscarriages said in an article in the Independent:
“If there’s no body, how can I grieve? I feel as though I must be kidding myself, wallowing in a morass of grief over a person who never even lived. Every time my mind trips back to this death, this loss, it strikes on empty, because there’s nothing there to miss.”
While there is no physical body to grieve, the hopes and dreams for a future with the child are ultimately the elements missed the most.
This grief is further complicated by feelings of isolation. When a loved one dies, there is often comfort in collective mourning with other grief-stricken individuals. But grieving the loss of a pregnancy can be an isolating experience for parents, as others haven’t formed the same connection with the unborn child and may struggle to understand why the experience is so painful.
Outsiders may also lack empathy for the mother’s experiences and fault her for the outcome of the pregnancy. Anna explained that people unintentionally implied that she was to blame for her miscarriage through comments like, “Do the doctors know what’s wrong with you?” or “Maybe you weren’t taking good care of yourself.”
RPL has been shown to severely disrupt the parents’ mental health. According to astudy by psychiatrist Michael Craig and colleagues at the Institute of Psychiatry, King’s College London, of 81 women with recurrent miscarriages, 33% were classified as depressed, with 7.4% suffering from severe depression. And 21% of the women also had clinically significant anxiety, while some experienced heightened anger and guilt.
Research documenting fathers’ grieving processes showed that, unlike women, many men do not react with increased depressive symptoms, crying, or feeling the need to talk. But similar to women, a major source of grieving arises from relinquishing their hopes and expectations for their unborn child.
While physical treatments for RPL include surgeries, medications, genetic screening, and lifestyle changes, the emotional and psychological toll must also be addressed.
A report by the Practice Committee of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine indicates that psychological support in early pregnancy results in significant improvement of pregnancy outcomes. Psychotherapy can also help work out anxieties and fears from previous miscarriages.
According to Anna, therapy was what helped her through seven painful miscarriages:
“My therapist became my saving grace. I could comfortably tell her anything and everything—especially things I didn’t want to discuss with my husband, like thoughts of suicide. She was the voice of reason in my confused and isolated world.”
Individuals can find additional help through in-person support groups at local organizations, or through online sites, such as the Baby Center, which offer web-based clubs and blogs. Connecting with these groups allows individuals to interact with others experiencing the same grief, which may reduce feelings of isolation.
In the midst of hopelessness, people may feel safer bracing themselves for more heartache. But it is important to remember that, even after four consecutive losses, a patient has a greater than 60% to 65% chance of carrying the next pregnancy to term. In the meantime, seeking psychological support to work through the anxiety and grief may be beneficial.
–Eleenor Abraham, Contributing Writer, The Trauma and Mental Health Report.