Grieving in Community

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear”
— CS Lewis

Scrolling through the news today, the headlines are overwhelmed by the news of the wildfires still raging through Southern California. With each headline comes a wave of emotion: fear, defeat, grief. It is easy to feel crushed under the weight of devastating tragedy, to feel as though each time you try to come up for air, a new heartbreaking headline pushes you back underwater.

Social media is filled with posts from those who have lost their homes, their businesses, their places of worship, and their communities. Nearly everyone knows someone who has been affected by this tragedy and is mourning in their own right.

What can we do in the face of such a massive loss? With so many facing such an insurmountable task of rebuilding, how do we even begin? How can we even begin to think about a future while so many homes and livelihoods are still in danger? Though the fear and grief inspired by this trauma can feel overwhelming, it is important to find ways to cope with these feelings.

Rather than trying to tackle the big picture problem, it can be helpful to focus on micro-actions.

Understanding Collective Trauma

When trauma affects not just an individual but an entire community, it is referred to as collective trauma. Collective trauma, such as the one caused by the wildfires, disrupts the social fabric of a community. In the case of the wildfires, people are losing their homes and businesses, the places they travel to every day, and the places they know as comforts. This type of loss robs people of the sense of safety and stability they feel.

The home is the holder of secrets, the reference for when certain monumental life changes occurred, both the profound and the ridiculous, and it is often a representation of the soul of the self. For many people, that safe place has been taken from them, and life as they once knew it is forever gone.

The impact of this collective trauma can manifest in several ways.

• Loss of Connection: People have lost the communities they once belonged to and can quickly feel cut off from others.
• Heightened Anxiety: Even after the immediate danger has passed, it is common for people who have experienced a collective trauma to feel a pervasive sense of anxiety and unease.
• Difficulty Rebuilding Trust: A loss of this magnitude can shake trust in leadership, and many people may have difficulty returning to a sense of safety.
• Grief for the Community: Beyond personal losses, there may be a feeling of grief for what the community as a whole has lost—landmarks, routines, and a sense of normalcy.

In Southern California, these wildfires have created a collective wound. They have upended lives, displaced communities, and challenged people’s belief in their ability to recover. Recognizing this shared trauma is an essential step in the healing process. When we understand that these emotions are not ours alone but are shared by many, we can begin to address them together, building resilience as a community.

“An experience of collective pain does not deliver us from grief or sadness; it is a ministry of presence. These moments remind us that we are not alone in our darkness and that our broken heart is connected to every heart that has known pain since the beginning of time.”
— Brené Brown

Micro-Actions: Small Behavioral Changes to Cope With Big Tragedy

For those directly affected by the fires and for those distressed by the news from the media and loved ones, it can be overwhelming to even think about a tragedy on this scale. Rather than focusing on the big picture, finding smaller micro-actions that you can take now may be a helpful way to assuage the stress and overwhelm.

Micro-actions are manageable, tangible behavioral changes that are so small that they feel insignificant. However, it has been shown that focusing on small, achievable steps can benefit a person or community in the long run. These micro-actions may seem deceptively simple, but they have proven to be a powerful tool in the face of overwhelm. Each small action is a reminder that even in the midst of chaos, we have choices.

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Here are five micro-actions for navigating collective grief:

1. Pause and Breathe: In the midst of overwhelming emotions, pause to take a few deep breaths. Inhale for four counts, hold for four, and exhale for six. This simple act can calm your nervous system and remind you that you are here, in this moment.

2. Focus on One Small Task: When the enormity of the situation feels paralyzing, shift your attention to one small action—organizing a single drawer, making a cup of tea, or writing down your feelings in a journal. These acts ground you and create a sense of accomplishment.

3. Connect with Someone: Reach out to a friend, family member, or neighbor. Share your thoughts or simply sit in silence together. Connection can be healing, and knowing you are not alone in your grief is a powerful antidote to despair.

4. Create a Ritual: Rituals can provide structure and meaning in times of chaos. Light a candle, say a prayer, or write a note to someone you’ve lost. These actions honor the pain while creating a space for healing.

5. Allow Yourself to Grieve: Acknowledge your feelings without judgment. Grief is a natural response to loss, and there is no “right” way to feel. Give yourself permission to cry, to rest, and to feel the weight of what has been lost.

Moving Forward After Loss

Navigating a collective trauma like the California wildfires is painful and trying, yet it reminds us how interconnected we are. While there is much work to do, focusing on smaller micro-actions can help to find moments of stability amid uncertainty. By focusing on what is within your control, you can begin to rebuild—not just structures but also a sense of hope, one small step at a time.

To everyone impacted by this tragedy, remember that grief and resilience often coexist. When you allow it, they are partners. Emotional armor, the protective layer of numbness, denial, and protest, creates a container for you to recuperate. They are all protections of your mind and body when it all becomes overwhelming. The overwhelm is expected, and as you navigate this difficult time, know that grief is not about overcoming a challenge but approaching yourself and those in your community with compassion and growing as a collective.