The Courage to Thrive

I felt excited as I drove into the driveway of the California ranch style house. I had heard so much about Erica Miller from an acquaintance who had been her patient in therapy on and off for about 15 years. I knew that Miller was 91, and that she had survived things that most of us cannot imagine. When she was seven, the Nazis raided her town in Romania and sent her family in a cattle car to a detention camp in the Ukraine. The white orchid plant in my hand looked a little droopy from the summer heat, and I hoped that she would like it. Vibrant and welcoming, Miller answered the doorbell and invited me into her house. She thanked me for the orchid and set it on the kitchen window sill.

“Let’s sit down in my office,” she said as she led the way. We sat in chairs facing each other and somehow the conversation got started. I wasn’t there for any purpose other than to meet this amazing woman who had survived death camps to have a rich and fulfilling life as therapist, best selling-author, public speaker, mother, and grandmother. This visit wasn’t intended to be a therapy session—not in the least; but Miller’s warmth and kindness, and the compassion in her eyes, somehow opened a space to show all of myself. I felt a deep a resonance between us, as I spoke to her of my family, my therapy practice, and my travels.

Miller shared her own experience as well. In 1941, the Nazis took over her home town of Tshernovitz, where she lived with her parents, an older sister, and extended family. Erica, her sister, and her parents were herded onto a cattle car headed for the Ukraine. The car was tightly packed with Jewish families who were crying and frightened. After a journey of many days they reached the detention camp in Mogilev. Her family was lucky. One part of Mogilev was designated as a camp for Jews to be transferred to the gas chambers, but her family was settled in a different part of the camp. The four of them had to share one tiny room, but they survived.

In 1944, the Russians liberated the Mogilev camp. Miller's family returned to Romania and, in 1949, immigrated to Israel. At seventeen-and-a-half, she joined the Israeli Air Force, proud to serve her country. In 1958, she traveled to Los Angeles to visit her sister who had immigrated there years before. In Los Angeles, she met and married Jerry, who was to be her husband of 54 years. She went back to college and earned a Ph.D. at the California School of Professional Psychology.

As the summer sun streamed through the window behind us, I listened in fascination to Miller’s story. She had survived the hell of the Nazis, the difficult journey back to Romania, immigration to Israel, and finally immigration to the United States. Even the death of her beloved husband 12 years ago, though heartbreaking, did not shatter her spirit. The woman sitting across from me was passionate, gritty, and inspiring. One of her central ideas is that age is just a number, and people of any age can find passion and purpose in their lives. That certainly seems true for her at 91. I was in awe. I wished I didn’t have to leave to get to a client appointment, but my visit had lasted almost two hours. Miller said good bye with a warm hug and a gift of one of her books. We were both smiling.

To learn more about the life and work of Erica Miller, visit her website.