Knock, Knock. Who's There? A Narcissist

Sometimes we just have to laugh.

Posted Jun 12, 2018

Anneli Rufus
Source: Anneli Rufus

What does a narcissist say after bringing a measuring cup, a strainer and a spoon back to the store where they were purchased?

"I demand a refund! These terrible pieces of junk ruin everything I cook!" 

You: "I've been cutting myself and drinking too much because I have low self-esteem."

Narcissist: "Are you saying that's MY fault?!"

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School nurse: "I'm afraid your son is in my office right now soaked to the skin and running a fever after having walked two miles to school through a rainstorm with neither coat nor hat nor lunch."

Narcissist: "But I told him to have a nice day!"

Anneli Rufus
Source: Anneli Rufus

You: "Now please don't take this the wrong way, and forgive me for saying this, but I'm starting to think you find it hard to handle even the tiniest, mildest bit of criticism."

Narcissist: "So what you're saying is that you're a sociopathic sadist who delights in brutalizing nice, sweet, kindhearted, innocent people with cruel, inaccurate insults?"

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Anneli Rufus
Source: Anneli Rufus

You: "Remember when you used to open all the curtains then run around the house all the time naked except for a squirrel mask, threatening to sear me with a curling-iron if I didn't make you Diet Pepsi floats with tiny paper umbrellas sticking out of them?

Narcissist: "No."

After demanding that you bring over a tube of wasabi "because I'm almost out," then being reminded that you brought over two tubes of wasabi yesterday, what does the narcissist say?

Narcissist: "I said bring me wasabi! WHY DO YOU TREAT ME THIS WAY??!!"

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What does a narcissist tell you on a random day?

"Today is the 37th anniversary of the day I won ten free circus tickets because I sold more candy than any other student at my middle school! But I guess you're too busy researching your human-genome dealybobs to commemorate that."

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After you buy a narcissist a brand-new state-of-the-art Alfa Romeo and hand over the keys, what does the narcissist say?

"The one your brother gave me has racing stripes."

Anneli Rufus
Source: Anneli Rufus