The Differences Between Grief and Depression

Grief

Grief is the struggle that happens as we cope with the death of a loved one. Grieving can also happen in response to the loss of an important identity or relationship, such as during retirement, when one might grieve their “professional self.” Losses like these can shatter the core beliefs we have about things, like how much we are in control of our lives, how predictable things are, or how good people are.

We assume our core beliefs are true, especially if we have not had much reason to question them. During grief, people often experience sadness, sorrow, emotional pain, and preoccupation with the person or identity that was lost. As the process unfolds, we attempt to make sense of the core beliefs that were shattered during the loss.

Depression

Depression is connected to a negative view of oneself, as well as a tendency to pay attention to negative information. This often happens because a core negative belief (or set of beliefs) exists about the self and the world. Beliefs like these can be very stable and live deep in the subconscious mind and are often connected to motivations to avoid situations that could confirm them.

Depression can be triggered by experiences that bring negative core beliefs into focus, like a relationship or job where a person feels inadequate or undervalued. During the depression, we usually feel sad, empty, and even irritable. Fatigue, chronic pain, insomnia, trouble concentrating, changes in appetite, and thoughts of self-harm or suicide can also be part of depression. With depression, these symptoms interfere with regular life so much that it can be hard to perform daily tasks or maintain relationships.

Similarities and Differences

Both grief and depression are connected to the core beliefs that we subconsciously hold as true about ourselves and the world. However, grief is connected to the shattering and rebuilding of a set of core beliefs, whereas depression is connected to the rise of a particular set of negative core beliefs about the self and/or world. Grieving in response to a loss may include some of the same feelings and symptoms that encompass depression, but grieving does not always involve negative beliefs about the self and world. When this does occur, we can say that depression and grief overlap.

Feeling Better in the Aftermath of Grief and Depression

There are some practices and techniques that can help people recover from both grief and depression. Mindfulness and acceptance-based practices or therapies can help us gain feelings of control over intrusive thoughts about the core beliefs at the center of depression or grief. Focusing on building self-compassion can also help us move towards reflecting on life’s circumstances in a gentler way, which can pave the way towards creating new, healthier habits and finding peace.

Everyone’s journey with grief and depression is different, and different things work for different people. Understanding and recognizing the symptoms of these experiences can help us move towards activities that help us feel better.