Verified by 
Anger is a normal reaction following a stroke. There is anger directed toward the stroke itself: “Why did this happen? I didn’t deserve this. This isn’t fair. What do I do now?” You may feel angry about how it affected your life and miss everything it has taken away, including your independence, control, freedom, career, friends, financial security, etc. Your anger and frustration can be compounded with the daily struggles of completing tasks that were once so simple. Perhaps you are even unable to complete some tasks at all.
Anger can also be caused by other people’s behavior. When others say things that are mean and hurtful, or they do not listen, or they tell you what to do and become impatient as you fumble with tasks, it can make you feel like exploding. Often others are resentful because now you require help and can’t do what you once did.
Anger may be a direct result of the brain injury itself.
When anger gets out of control, it can have a negative impact on relationships and interfere with activities that you want to participate in. Post-stroke, anger is caused by a variety of reasons, but unfortunately, it can sometimes be displaced and directed toward the wrong person or source. It may cause you to lash out at family members, caregivers, or friends. Regrettably, this can cause conflict or damage in relationships and some people may choose to walk away. My family experienced this as I often lashed out at them during moments of anger.
Reading Your Physical Warning Signals
Believe it or not, anger can be beneficial when responding to a threat, as it can help to protect you. Anger may also act as motivation for you to work harder to improve your situation or give you the courage to stand up for yourself.
Our bodies send out warning signals when we are getting angry. Your heart will begin to beat faster, and your breathing will get more rapid. You may be unable to think straight, clench your teeth or your fists, and feel your muscles tensing up. You may feel like your emotions are boiling over—you’re losing control and are going to explode. It’s important to become more aware and pay attention to these signs and listen to what your body is trying to tell you. You can then learn to respond to these feelings in a way that is helpful and productive.
How you express these feelings is key. Inappropriate expressions of anger, like aggression, obviously won’t solve anything, but may conversely make the situation worse. Identifying your triggers can help you to avoid aggravating the situation.
When you feel yourself becoming angry, try to calm your breathing, relax your muscles, and slow things down. Give yourself time to think rationally about these feelings to prevent things from escalating. Remove yourself from the situation if possible, to prevent your anger from hurting you or somebody else. Counting to 10 may sound foolish, but it could prevent you from doing or saying something you may regret once the moment has passed.
Strategies to Express Your Feelings
There is no shame if you need to talk with someone. Friends that you trust, a counselor, social worker, or your health care provider can all be sounding boards. They can offer solutions for coping and allow you to express your feelings. Consider journaling as another method of expression.
Physical activity won’t solve the problems, but exercise can help redirect anger into a healthy alternative. For me, exercise has played a huge role in helping me to manage anger.
Humor can also be helpful to lighten the mood, and I have found this useful when tension is building at home. It all comes down to acknowledging anger and deciding if it is benefiting or hurting you. It may take some time and a lot of hard work, but letting go of anger can be liberating and help you to conserve precious energy for activities that will have a positive impact. The ultimate goal is to deal with these feelings and prevent them from controlling your life.
Unfortunately, some survivors also experience anger from those closest to them, as they are resentful to the changes in their life as a result of your stroke. If this becomes problematic, you may want to consider family counseling. This provides each person an opportunity to express how they are feeling in a safe and mediated environment.
In extreme circumstances, this anger can result in verbal abuse, physical abuse, or both. If this occurs, then you have some questions to ask yourself. Will we be able to work through this? Is my safety in jeopardy? Is it time to take serious action to protect myself? Ultimately, your safety and well-being are of the utmost importance.
