7 Strategies to Make Change Stick

Last month, I addressed ways we tend to get in our way when making a change. This month, I’ll cover seven ways to make the process easier.

We’ll start upstream with more practical, logistical strategies (the stuff outside our heads) and, as we move downstream, we’ll tackle the stuff in our heads (and bodies).

7 Tips for Sustainable Change:

1. Be realistic about your goals.

Something I see a lot around the New Year, on Monday after a rough weekend, and/or after any binge is unrealistic goal setting. “I’m never going to do XYZ again” or “I’m going to meditate, eat vegan, tape my mouth when I sleep, cold plunge, and start doing CrossFit every day.”

While goals can be scaled, we still need to start with something remotely realistic. Having declared the goal in a state of despair, self-loathing, or some other high emotion, is also not ideal. Remember last month’s suggestion to be intentional about the change process.

2. Break your goals into smaller parts.

Everyone wants to achieve the big, sexy goal, whether it’s losing weight, running a marathon, starting your own business, writing a book, or getting the big lift. Achieving those goals feels great and we get there by working through plateaus and continuing to show up regardless of how you feel.

I often refer to the process of getting to your goal as “the great slog.” Despite what grifters on social media may tell you, there are no quick fixes when it comes to sustained behavior change.

To keep your momentum, it helps to have smaller goals along the way. I’m also a huge proponent of training yourself to notice (and log) your wins along the way. This includes tuning into the subtle micro-shifts in behavior that build momentum, change mindsets, and make change sustainable. These may be small things like:

• Being able to ride out urges for longer periods of time
• Bouncing back faster after a setback
• Speaking more gently to yourself
• Not treating one slip as “the whole day is ruined”
• Moving on from things faster
• Pushing yourself without requiring someone else’s encouragement

3. Don’t wait for motivation to start acting.

If you wait for motivation, you may be waiting a long time. I often tell my clients, “You don’t need to be motivated, you need to be willing.” Willingness is being open to the behavior. It doesn’t imply that you like it or want to do it; it implies that you are open to doing it and all the thoughts, feelings, and sensations that may come with it. (In order to build willingness, it can help to apply the following point.)

4. Think about how you’ll feel in the end.

Accomplishing challenging tasks is easier when you accept the discomfort rather than fight it.

Think about the first five minutes of any cardiovascular exercise–it sucks. Your muscles aren’t warmed up, your heart rate hasn’t increased and you're not yet in the most energy efficient state. However, if you focus on how much it sucks, what happens? The distress and discomfort are amplified.

Most of us know that the first five minutes—of many things, not just exercise—will suck, but it will get easier and feel great when we’re done. We want to put our attention on how good it will feel or on something else going on around us. It may not feel like it, but we are in control of where we put our attention, and where we put our attention is amplified. So choose intentionally.

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5. Learn to see setbacks as opportunities.

Just as distress and discomfort are inevitable parts of the change process, so are setbacks. This is where understanding Dr. Carol Dweck’s research into the growth mindset is really helpful. When people have a growth mindset, they see failure, mistakes, and setbacks as parts of any process, not to mention rich opportunities for learning and growth. With a fixed mindset, however, setbacks equal failure.

6. What if you believed you could?

I had been working with my trainer for six years, struggling for many weeks with a specific weightlifting goal when he asked me, “What if you believed you could?” I don’t know how, but something shifted, and the lift that had been taunting me for months was suddenly achievable.

For months, I’d been psyching myself out with self-doubt and fear. No amount of logic, technical know-how, or pep talks made a difference. For me, saying, “I can do this; I know I can!” feels inauthentic and Pollyanna-ish. I could, however, commit to “I believe I can do this.”

Even as I write this, I think, “This seems so basic—almost dumb to even suggest,” but self-talk matters. It’s important to keep in mind the words that work for you, but self-talk shapes mindset, and mindset is essential. Again, where you put your attention is amplified, so what is the message you want to be strongest?

7. Practice self-compassion.

When we’re kinder to ourselves, we’re able to bounce back faster from setbacks, learn from our mistakes, and keep pushing forward. Torturing ourselves with criticism, judgment or any other negative personal attack rarely leads to forward momentum.

What would it be like to treat yourself the way you’d treat a friend? Before you identify a reason why it won’t work for you, try it for a day or two and see how it impacts your overall mood.

The Best Way to Put These Strategies Into Action

If you’re going to give these tips a try, don’t try to implement all seven at once. As with any goal, take one at a time and commit to several weeks of consistent practice before moving on. If it feels too easy, make sure you have the process down before moving on.

You’ll know a goal is too hard if you can’t accomplish it without being flooded with adrenaline. If your nervous system is activated, you’re outside your window of tolerance and need to scale down until you have the necessary skills to accomplish the goal (think: easier weight first).

It generally takes several weeks to get the hang of something new, however, so don’t throw in the towel too soon, declaring that an approach doesn’t work for you. Initially, anything new is awkward and uncomfortable. That’s why we need lots of practice to tweak a process and feel more comfortable with it. Doing so also builds confidence and self-efficacy in the change process.

Change is possible and worth the work. I believe you can do it. Do you?