Revisiting the Narcissistic Personality

The term "narcissist" is often overused, but for those harmed by narcissistic personalities, the true meaning is best understood through the experiences of those who have been victimized physically, mentally, emotionally, or financially by them. In doing research for my book Dangerous Personalities, here are the traits that the narcissistic personality often feels or displays in abundance:

1. I love myself, and I know that others do as well. I cannot conceive of anyone who does not admire me.
2. I have no need to apologize. What I do and say no matter how insulting, pompous, or crass you must tolerate.
3. I am unparalleled in my abilities and have yet to meet anyone who equals my intelligence, competence, or achievements.
4. Most individuals are inferior, are incapable succeeding on their own and require my leadership or unique guidance to succeed.
5. Rules and obligations apply primarily to others, as I am too exceptional to be constrained by them.
6. I expect constant appreciation for my accomplishments and contributions—large or small.
7. Whatever I say, no matter how false, how deceptive, how void of facts you must believe and not question.
8. True equality does not exist, as I am inherently superior in every way.
9. I don’t have to be kind or mindful and so don’t expect it and no I don’t care what others say or think.
10. I may appear arrogant, but that is preferable to being perceived as ordinary.
11. The pain I cause others is of no concern to me.
12. Loyalty to me is everything; it must be absolute, yet I am not bound by the same expectation. Beware if you are not loyal to me at all times.
13. I may pretend to listen to you, I may even nod as I listen, but it will have no effect on me especially if it in any way goes against what I want, seek, need, or want.
14. Criticism directed at me will not be tolerated and will be met with repercussions, hostility, retaliation, even vengeance. And I will make sure others exact vengeance upon you as well.
15. I have little interest in others' achievements or personal lives unless they serve my interests.
16. I will interfere or insert myself to get my way as I please—if that’s manipulative, so be it.
17. I demand gratitude for everything I do—preferably publicly and often.
18. My social circle must reflect my superiority, and most people do not meet my standards.
19. If others followed my guidance, outcomes would always be optimal. People fail because they don’t follow what I tell them to do.
20. If I seem arrogantly ambitious, I am. So what? Get used to it.

If the above seems self-centered and cruel, it is for a reason. That is how they see themselves and will behave.

What You Can Expect if You Associate With a Narcissistic Personality

1. Expect to be regarded as inferior, as narcissists perceive themselves as unequaled.
2. Feelings of confusion and dismay in response to narcissistic behavior are valid and will persist.
3. Because narcissists overvalue themselves, they will inevitably devalue you. But they will go a step further; they will seek to do so sadistically if they can get away with it as it will be even more gratifying.
4. You will be subjected to condescension and dismissiveness. Expect to be humiliated often and in public.
5. Their personal needs and desires will always take precedence over yours.
6. Any prior goodwill on your part has a shelf life. They want you to feel the instability of not knowing where you stand at any moment.
7. When they exhibit kindness, it is a tool, nothing more.
8. Even minor gestures of warmth should be viewed with caution, as they are often transactional.
9. Criticism, no matter how constructive, will provoke hostility and disproportionate retaliation in vengeful ways.
10. Moral and ethical principles hold little significance—these are for demonstration or functional purposes.
11. Deception, obfuscation, interference, and manipulation are commonplace. Don’t expect the truth.
12. Conversations will invariably revolve around their interests and achievements, and don’t expect any interest in your life.
13. Their associations often include individuals who enable and reinforce their narcissistic tendencies—they are, in essence, narcissistic collaborators.
14. Admitting fault or offering apologies is inconsistent with their belief system.
15. Public embarrassment or contradiction will elicit severe repercussions, even vengeful retribution.
16. Extended interactions with a narcissist can lead to psychological distress, including anxiety and self-doubt, as well as emptiness, apathy, and even self-loathing.
17. Empathy and genuine concern for others are largely absent—don’t expect it when you need it the most.
18. Narcissists will consistently dismiss your needs and concerns or relegate them to last place on their list.
19. You will find yourself working hard for their approval—you will only find indifference.
20. They demand unwavering support, regardless of your own emotional state.

Coping With Narcissistic Personalities

Understanding the traits and behaviors of narcissistic personalities is crucial in mitigating the psychological toll of interacting with them. Distancing yourself is always best, but when dealing with children, elderly relatives, or workplace superiors, complete avoidance may not be feasible. In these situations, support from friends and allies is crucial as is professional help. Keep in mind that remaining in a narcissistic individual’s orbit often includes emotional exhaustion, diminished self-esteem, and an erosion of personal well-being. Once more, as the victims have related to me: distance and disassociation where possible is best.

Conclusion

As Stuart C. Yudofsky states in his landmark book, Fatal Flaws, the narcissistic personality is “severely flawed of character.” They may leave a debris field of suffering wherever they go. And while professional intervention may be beneficial for some, the reality is that narcissists rarely acknowledge their pathology or seek meaningful change. As a result, those affected must prioritize their own psychological health, often by limiting or severing ties with the narcissistic individual. As I often say, you have no social obligation to be victimized.

Copyright © 2025 Joe Navarro