The Price of Pettiness and a Campaign to Stomp It Out

We have all been guilty of sweating the small stuff. Whether it’s that smug comment from the office clown that sets you spinning or that nameless coworker you secretly wish ill-will upon for not holding the elevator door, no one is immune to pettiness. Let’s face it, the stress of the moment can get the better of any of us, but at what cost. There is a price to being petty and according to Dr. Alex Alonso, Chief Knowledge Officer for the Society for Human Resource Management and author of The Price of Pettiness, that price can be awfully high.

Source: 'The Price of Pettiness, used with permission'

The 2019 Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM) Pettiness in the Workplace survey found that 99 percent of the 15,000 participants surveyed had witnessed petty behavior at their place of work. What’s more, more than three-quarters of these respondents reported that nothing was done about the petty behavior they witnessed. Leaders simply looked the other way.

Dr. Alonso, an organizational psychologist, defines pettiness as “caring about or reacting disproportionately to trivial or inconsequential (i.e., petty) matters.” We have a tendency to narrowly focus on minutiae and overconcern ourselves by correcting what we believe to be ill-intended behavior that is somehow directed towards us. According to the research conducted by the SHRM team earlier this year, “97 percent of people report having engaged in petty behavior.”

To understand more about the impact of pettiness, I spoke with Dr. Alonso to gain some insight into his research and discuss simple ways we can all help stomp out pettiness.

Michael Woodward: How do we tackle this phenomenon of pettiness that is so pervasive in our society?

Alex Alonso: Self-awareness is key. The fact that 97 percent of those asked admitted to having engaged in petty behavior indicates that at least these respondents are well on the way to helping end pettiness. Couple awareness with effective interventions to spur change. Commit to incremental change, measure and remeasure progress often. Use the self-assessment to consider and, as objectively as possible, rate behaviors generally considered by others demonstrated petty behavior using the ranges provided. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

MW: What responsibility do our managers have in recognizing and managing pettiness?

AA: Perception is reality and staff notice a leader’s behavior. Being attuned to the kind of impression you make as a leader is step one, but asking for feedback from direct reports, peers and teammates as well as being transparent and authentic all contribute to staff perceptions of a leader’s behavior. Feedback can help a leader understand the effects of petty behavior if that perception exists among the team. Leaders also set an example for how to behave – what is acceptable and what is not. My leader is very self-aware but is also very committed to owning the situation when the ‘optics’ of behavior don’t match, for example, a stated goal or a promise made. Part of being authentic requires an honest analysis of those times when there appears to be a disconnect. These three techniques—seeking feedback, tuning in to the impressions you are making, and being transparent by owning missteps and correcting them—are three that I suggest as simple ones on which new leaders can rely.

MW: How can we all participate in stomping out pettiness?

AA: The power of conversation—especially difficult conversations—can often be overlooked. And it’s absolutely true that difficult matters can be simultaneously risky and scary. But, demonstrating civil and kind behavior shows employees that leaders are committed to making the workplace better for all. SHRM’s work focuses on building better workplaces for a better world. Starting small with simple, nonconfrontational ways to STOMP out pettiness will show your employees that you are committed to taking a stand for civility and against pettiness. How? Try these on for size:

• Say what you mean; seek clarification from others and be clear yourself when you communicate; size-up a situation before taking action.
• Think through what your typical first reaction might be to a situation and self-manage before acting—a great example of this is to remove yourself from a potentially volatile situation so you can reflect on a civil way to handle the situation.
• Oppose actions that make employees feel excluded or devalued; let your actions be inclusive; let your behavior show you want to add value to your employees’ work lives.
• Meet individuals where they need to be met—look at the situation from their worldview and consider what else might be going on that person’s life that is affecting their reaction to a situation or interactions with others.
• Provide the benefit of the doubt when possible; don’t start from the position of assuming malintent. Endorse the principles of kindness by paying kindness forward.

A tall order? Maybe—but to those chosen to lead, much is expected. Start small; build from a firm foundation.

Feel free to share your stories of pettiness with the SHRM research team: pettiness@shrm.org