25 Things I've Learned About Adulting

As a college professor for 30 years, I just created a brand-new eight-week course at the university about adulting. In a final online discussion board, I asked students to list and explain the three to five most important things they learned about adulting. I decided to join in and do the assignment myself. Here, I offer to you as readers the insights, reflections, and advice I shared with them. (For more, see my earlier post, 10 Tips for Adulting.)

In no apparent order, here are some things I've learned on my own adulting journey:

1. Love stories have their own timeline for appearing in one's life, and sometimes the truer ones emerge later on.
2. You truly have to like and value yourself to be of any use in relationships (or in the world).
3. Take a walk and move your body whenever and however you can.
4. Letting go is one of the hardest and most important things to learn how to do in the entire world. This is true in terms of letting go of things that no longer serve us, letting go of relationships, letting go when people die, letting go of certain goals, letting go of preconceived timelines for life milestones, letting go of smaller irritations so they don't contaminate our time, etc.
5. Do something creative every single day. This need not be about making art but about making anything in daily life a more creative endeavor. Creativity will change your life and how you see the world.
6. Try once a week to do, or go to, or see something you never have before. Travel however you can, even if it is a few miles away.
7. Have friends of all different ages. It will widen your perspective and help you appreciate the life course. For example, I have friends ranging from age 20-93! It's the best.
8. Learn how to cook or bake a few things super well. It's helpful for hosting dinner parties, dates, or just feeding yourself. I specialize in omelets, lasagna, homemade mac and cheese, all kinds of desserts, and chicken marbella. My husband makes the best homemade wood fired pizza (dough and all!), steaks, and shrimp dishes.
9. Knowing how to make coffee well is imperative—even if you don't drink it.
10. I realized the other day that a habit I've had for years and years is one that would have felt "adulty" to me long ago and now feels like good basic self-care. This is something I never grew up with so am not sure how I developed this habit but am glad I did. I always have fresh flowers in the house. Even the ones that are $4 for a bouquet at the grocery store are great and last a week. It's at least as important as any food I'd buy for the same amount of money and brings me so much pleasure.
11. The money I've never ever regretted spending relates only to travel and concerts!
12. Figure out what you can and need to say no to so you can better love what you say yes to. Doing so cultivates greater spaciousness and expansiveness for your life.
13. Intimate relationships need play to function. Childlike wonder is a great thing.
14. Spend some time outside every day no matter what.
15. Start intense strength training as early as possible. I used to do it off and on, which was not enough. So, I've been doing this religiously three times a week for about 7 or 8 years and it has changed my life. Feeling strong in one’s physical body radiates outward as mental and emotional strength.
16. Learn how to swim if you don't already know. (I learned as a baby and am always surprised by the number of adults who don't know how).
17. Find a genre of writing that you enjoy and read widely in it. Doing this will help you in numerous ways. For me, I adore creative nonfiction and memoir and read a ton of it.
18. When it comes to clothing, shoes, and accessories, it's quality over quantity all the time.
19. Do one thing every day that you love.
20. Use a calendar well if you don't already. (I have always done this and it serves me well.)
21. Write handwritten birthday cards and thank you notes. They mean so much more.
22. Be sure you know how to do the following if you don't already: tie a tie, address an envelope, write a check, write a condolence card, write a thank-you card, read an actual map, use an ATM, fill out a deposit slip, learn to give correct change, change a tire and check oil, do laundry, etc.
23. Know how to make a phone call to someone you've never met and feel confident initiating and carrying on a conversation with that person.
24. Have the integrity and the guts to stay in the harder conversations. For example, breaking up with someone in person only, or having a meaningful conversation with someone older than you, or having a peaceful and productive conversation with someone with very different views than you hold.
25. One of the most meaningful and powerful gestures you can do to enrich your own life and that of someone else is to reach back out to a teacher who changed your life and let them know how and why that is the case for you.

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