Relationships
2 Lies That Every Relationship Needs
Why honesty isn't always the best policy when it comes to love.
Updated July 7, 2026 Reviewed by Lybi Ma
Honesty and transparency are the gold standard of healthy relationships for good reason, as trust depends on them. Without a basic expectation of truthfulness, a relationship will quickly become unstable. Partners will start to second-guess each other’s intentions and commitment.
Absolutes rarely govern human relationships; with every reasonable rule comes an equally reasonable exception. This means that, in practice, even the healthiest couples will sometimes bend the truth. And interestingly, research suggests that some forms of dishonesty and certain kinds of lies may actually serve an important relational purpose.
This is because, while brutal honesty sounds virtuous in theory, in many scenarios, relentless truth-telling is more likely to damage closeness than strengthen it. As such, a loving relationship will demand awareness that, sometimes, not every truth needs to be delivered in its rawest form.
Here are two “necessary lies” that many healthy relationships depend on, according to psychological research.
1. Prosocial Lies
One of the most common forms of dishonesty in romantic relationships is the prosocial lie—a lie that, in the grand scheme of things, is ultimately positive; it promotes social acceptance and cohesion.
In a 2026 study published in The Journal of Social Psychology, researchers explored how people in romantic relationships feel about hearing prosocial lies from their partner. The authors of the study found that, although honesty remains important overall, many individuals actually preferred comforting or reassuring dishonesty over the harsh truth in certain situations. This was especially true for participants who felt that their relationship was strained.
Interestingly, researchers also found that people with lower relationship satisfaction were more likely to prefer prosocial lies. Partly, this is because they perceived blunt truths as emotionally harmful. This shows that when a relationship is in a vulnerable state, emotional cushioning proves especially valuable.
This makes intuitive sense, as relationships are not merely systems of information exchange. Partners must constantly regulate one another’s sense of security and confidence, and, once in a while, that means softening reality.
Take “compliment buffering,” for example. Imagine your partner has spent hours cooking an elaborate dinner specially for you. The meal turns out fine—it’s not terrible, but it’s not particularly memorable either. A fully transparent response might sound like, “Honestly, it was a little bland.” Is this answer technically truthful? Yes. Is it helpful? Probably not.
In many cases, saying, “That was delicious! Thank you for putting so much effort into spoiling me,” would serve the relationship much better than the truth. Because in this scenario, the goal isn’t for you to start a career as a food critic; your partner likely isn’t asking you solely for an objective evaluation of the food. They are asking whether their efforts and affection have landed as well as they hoped.
Of course, prosocial lies can become unhealthy when they consistently serve to conceal major incompatibilities or prevent honest communication. For instance, telling your partner that you love a lifestyle that secretly makes you miserable is not kindness; that’s just avoiding a necessary conversation.
But in moderation, these small acts of emotional buffering play an important, invisible role in a relationship’s smooth function. They represent a core tenet that should be prioritized in any loving relationship: that feelings matter more than either partner’s need to be technically correct.
2. Protective Lies
Another category of “necessary” dishonesty involves “protective lies”: lies told in the hopes of shielding partners from unnecessary emotional harm.
In a 2025 study published in Personal Relationships, researchers examined dishonesty in romantic relationships and found that people commonly described their lies as protective. These lies typically fell into one of two categories: partner-protective or self-protective lies.
While the latter forms of lie largely function by making partners feel good, these lies serve to prevent partners from feeling bad. These are the kinds of deceptions that revolve around emotional regulation, rather than manipulation. They help couples avoid turning every fleeting irritation, insecurity, or comparison into a relationship-threatening discussion.
For instance, many partners have small gripes or annoyances with habits that are annoying at worst, but far from an outright red flag—like a partner who chews somewhat loudly, leaves cabinet doors open, or hums constantly while working. If you were to highlight every one of these minor inconveniences with complete honesty, then daily life would soon become emotionally exhausting.
Instead, most couples will opt for selective silence. They smooth over these small irritations because they’ve learned firsthand that love requires a certain degree of patience and tolerance. Constant correction only makes for an atmosphere of surveillance and nitpickiness. These lies preserve dignity. If you were to recall all of their embarrassing or upsetting moments with perfect accuracy every time, they’d likely feel more exposed than supported.
And most notably, protective lies will even appear in romance itself. For example, you might have told your partner, “I’ve never felt this way before,” even though you’ve experienced deep love in a past relationship. While, strictly speaking, the statement may not be fully true, emotionally, it still reflects something real: your desire to communicate just how singular and meaningful this relationship is to you.
Romantic bonds thrive partly because couples create a shared narrative of uniqueness around their connection—something most intelligent people know and understand on an internal level. You wouldn’t tell your partner, “Actually, this feels somewhat comparable to my relationship three years ago.” While this might be a more accurate statement, it also totally undermines the relationship itself.
It’s worth emphasizing that protective lies differ vastly from deception. Deception is used to evade responsibility, manipulate a partner, or conceal betrayal. Hiding infidelity, financial dishonesty, or chronic disrespect are not, by any stretch of the imagination, “necessary lies.” Healthy protective lies are typically temporary and emotionally motivated rather than self-serving. They mitigate friction without distorting reality in a way that fundamentally alters consent or trust.
Ultimately, a successful relationship demands more than just honesty alone. Kindness, restraint, tact, and emotional intelligence will, on the odd occasion, take priority over full transparency. Because, sometimes, preserving intimacy means recognizing that being loving and being completely unfiltered are not always the same thing.
A version of this post also appears on Forbes.
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