I Thought Drinking Made Me Cool. I Was Wrong

Have you ever found yourself ordering a Diet Coke while everyone else reached for wine—and secretly worried they’d think you were boring, dull, or a buzzkill?

Not only have I been there, but I know I've helped create that story for someone else. I started drinking young—the kind of girl who snuck booze into parties and prided herself on holding her liquor. I remember once rolling my eyes at a friend who turned down a beer and muttered, “You’re such a buzzkill.”

(If you ever stumble on this, Jenny: I was wrong. You were the cool one for saying no.)

I’m not proud of that moment, but I also know I wasn’t alone. So the question is: Where does a 15-year-old even get the idea that “cool people drink”?

Many of us started drinking because we thought it made us more likable, more relaxed… even more "cool." But what if alcohol isn’t actually delivering on that promise? What if it’s getting in the way of the very traits we admire most in others?

How Media and Culture Shaped Our Beliefs About Alcohol and Being Cool

From a young age, we watch adults celebrate, unwind, and connect with a drink in hand. Our brains quickly absorb the message: Alcohol equals grown-up fun.

And it’s not just at home. We see it in TV shows and movies: Carrie and her friends sipping Cosmopolitans in Sex and the City. James Bond with his iconic martini. The brooding hero drinking whiskey.

Little did we know that behind the scenes is the alcohol industry, which is pouring billions of dollars into marketing each year, making sure we get the message—loud and clear:

Attractive people drink. Successful people drink. Cool people drink.

What makes this tricky is that these messages are mostly subliminal. They slip under the radar—right past our critical thinking—and lodge quietly in our subconscious. Most of us never stop to ask:

Does drinking actually make someone cool? And if so… in what way?

What Makes Someone Truly Cool Without Alcohol

When you think about someone who’s truly cool, what comes to mind?

For me, I’ve noticed that my definition of “cool” has changed as I’ve grown older. I used to think it meant being popular, getting attention, or going along with the crowd. But now? It looks different.

Today, when I think of someone who’s cool, I think of someone who is:

Confident — They don’t need to prove anything

They are often not the loudest ones in the room. They are not bragging or trying to dominate a conversation. Their confidence seems to be quieter but steady—you can feel it. They know who they are and don’t need everyone else to agree.

At ease — They are comfortable in their skin

They are also not always the most agreeable ones. They’re not scrambling to fit in or be agreeable. Whether they’re dressed up or laid back, talkative or quiet, they just show up as themselves. And that puts other people at ease, too.

Authentic — They’re honest, even if they're a little different

They don’t fake interests or pretend to go along. They speak their mind, kindly and clearly. They laugh when something’s funny and stay quiet when it’s not. They’re not afraid to say, “No thanks, not for me,” without making it a big deal. They’re true to themselves—even if that means standing out a little.

Does Alcohol Really Make You More Confident?

Here’s the thing: alcohol may temporarily help us feel cooler. It loosens us up, takes the edge off, helps us say what we want to say—or at least, it feels that way.

But when we really zoom in, alcohol often creates the illusion of the very things we’re craving, while quietly pulling us further away from them.

Alcoholism Essential Reads

5 Action Steps to Make Sobriety Part of Your Identity

Rethinking Heavy Drinking and the Spectrum of Alcohol Use

Alcohol and Confidence

We may feel bolder after a drink or two. But that confidence is borrowed. It doesn’t come from within—it comes from muted self-consciousness. And when the buzz wears off, we often feel more anxious, more unsure, or a little regretful.

Real confidence isn’t about numbing doubt. It’s about building self-trust.

Alcohol and Ease

Sure, alcohol might make socializing feel easier, but it also makes it harder to truly be at ease with ourselves. That little voice that says, “I need this drink to relax, to loosen up, to get through this,” often leaves us feeling that we need something outside of us just to be okay.

Alcohol and Realness

At first, alcohol might help us open up. But the most uninhibited version of ourselves isn’t always the most authentic. We might laugh more, talk more, feel more connected—but how much of it is truly us? And how much is it just our brain in an altered state? Sometimes, alcohol becomes the mask we wear to feel normal—when what we really want is to be ourselves.

A Letter to My Younger Self: What I Wish I Knew About Alcohol and Confidence

I’m not proud of the way I once pressured others to drink. But I get it. Like every other teenage boy and girl, I was just trying be “cool” and feel accepted.

Looking back now, I realize Jenny wasn’t the buzzkill. She was the cool one. She knew how to say no, even when the crowd said yes.

Confidence, ease, and authenticity—these aren’t things we borrow from a drink. They’re things we build by showing up as ourselves, even when it’s uncomfortable.

And if you’re starting to ask these questions, to trust your own gut over the group, maybe you’re becoming that kind of cool, too.

At Sober Curiosity, we believe that truly outgrowing alcohol—and building a thriving alcohol-free life—takes more than learning to just “stop drinking.” It takes rewriting the stories you’ve been told about alcohol and yourself. For more free resources to change your relationship with alcohol, visit my website.