One Way to Stop Dwelling on the Bad

If I told you that a simple gratitude practice could change your life in just 10 weeks, would you be curious? Or would you roll your eyes and assume I was exaggerating?

I know exactly how I would have responded a year ago: rolling my eyes so hard they might have gotten stuck. Growing up with an Asian parent who constantly reminded me to “be thankful for what you have, don’t be ungrateful,” gratitude always felt like a forced cliché. Something you were supposed to do, not something that actually meant anything.

Even after becoming a therapist and hearing all about the scientific benefits of gratitude, I still wasn’t convinced. It felt like another feel-good trend, not something that would actually change my life. But then, one unexpected experience shifted everything. Let me tell you what happened.

I Thought Gratitude Was Overrated. Then Life Put It to the Test

A week before my husband and I packed up our one-bedroom apartment, loaded our three cats into carriers, and moved 800 miles from California to Utah, unexpected news threw everything into chaos. After months of careful planning to continue my therapy career there, I was suddenly faced with a choice: Invest time and money I didn’t have to finish my licensure or walk away—just 150 hours short—closing the private practice I had spent years building.

In my old drinking days, a setback like this would have sent me into a downward spiral—self-pity, frustration, numbing it all with a bottle. But to my surprise, I met this disruption with something else: gratitude. Instead of fixating on what was falling apart, I focused on what was still holding me up: a supervisor who went out of her way to help, friends who talked me through my options, and a husband who supported me, no matter what.

I could have easily spiraled into self-victimization, replaying my misfortune on a loop. Instead, I felt grounded. And that’s when it hit me: This shift wasn’t random. It was the result of months of unintentional gratitude practice.

A few months earlier, I had bought a planner with a daily gratitude prompt. Without overthinking it, I started jotting down one thing each day. At first, it felt awkward—just another task to check off. But over time, something changed. Gratitude no longer felt like a forced exercise. It felt real. And the more I practiced, the more I saw and experienced the good in my life. With this firsthand experience—and a bit of scientific curiosity—I decided to dive deeper into the science behind gratitude.

Negativity Bias: The Psychological Trap That Holds You Back

Humans aren’t wired for happiness; we’re wired for survival. Our brains are programmed to register negative events more readily and dwell on them longer. This built-in negativity bias was once essential for survival in a world full of wild animals and poisonous berries, helping our ancestors stay alert to danger.

On top of that, we crave familiarity. Our brains prefer the known over the unknown—even if that means repeating patterns of stress, anxiety, or discontent. Whatever emotional state we’ve lived in the longest tends to feel the most normal, even if it’s not what’s best for us.

These instincts once gave us an edge in survival. But in today’s world, they do more harm than good, fuelling unnecessary stress, anxiety, and emotional suffering. And when it comes to drinking, negativity bias can be one of the biggest triggers. Think about it: You can have 10 positive days, but one bad day convinces you you’re failing. One awkward social moment makes you question if sobriety is worth it. One self-critical thought spirals into "Might as well drink." Our brains are wired to latch onto the bad, which is exactly why it’s so easy to romanticize alcohol when things feel hard.

The Psychology of Gratitude: How It Rewires Thought Patterns

While negativity bias pulls our attention toward what’s wrong, gratitude trains our brain to notice what’s right. When we consistently focus on the good, we generate positive emotions. And since emotion + repetition = rewiring, regular gratitude practice starts forming new neural pathways. Over time, this rewiring shifts our brain’s default setting—so instead of scanning for the negative, it starts searching for the positive.

But gratitude doesn’t just shift focus; it changes how we experience emotions. The more we allow ourselves to feel positive emotions, the more natural they become. If stress and frustration have been our baseline for years, they’ll feel familiar, even comfortable. But when we intentionally practice gratitude, we train our brains to seek out and amplify good feelings instead.

Gratitude Essential Reads

Random Acts of Kindness

When Gratitude Turns Into Guilt

This is why people say “Like attracts like.” The more gratitude you practice, the more you start seeing things to be grateful for. Not because of magic, but because your brain is wired by what you repeatedly focus on. Gratitude isn’t just a mindset; it’s a habit that changes the way we experience the world. Instead of fixating on what you’re "giving up"—the drinks, the old routines, the familiar escape—you start focusing on what you’re gaining. Deep sleep. Clear-headed mornings. The quiet confidence of following through on what you promised yourself. The unexpected joy of a moment you actually remember. Over time, those small wins start stacking up, reinforcing your decision to drink less or not at all.

A Simple Shift That Increased Happiness by 25 Percent

Research proves that gratitude isn’t just a nice idea; it creates real, measurable change. One of the best-known studies on gratitude comes from Robert Emmons, a leading researcher in gratitude psychology.

In the early 2000s, Emmons wanted to see if gratitude could actually make people happier, healthier, and more resilient, or if it was just another feel-good buzzword. So, he gathered a group of participants and split them into three groups:

• One group kept a gratitude journal, writing down five things they were thankful for each week.

• Another group wrote about daily hassles—things that annoyed or frustrated them.

• The third group simply noted neutral life events without focusing on positives or negatives.

After 10 weeks, the results were undeniable: The gratitude group reported 25 percent higher happiness levels, plus better physical health, improved sleep, and lower stress and anxiety.

Ready to Start? A Simple Gratitude Practice to Try Today

If something this simple could boost happiness by 25 percent for study participants, imagine what it could do for you. Many people navigating big life changes—whether breaking old habits, rebuilding self-trust, or learning to live with more intention—find that gratitude plays a bigger role than they expected. It’s one of those small but powerful shifts that can make a massive difference, not just in research, but in real life.

If you’re exploring a more mindful, intentional life—especially when it comes to your relationship with alcohol—I’ve put together a 31 Little Things to Be Grateful For checklist to help you start spotting small moments of gratitude in your daily life. Because sometimes, the smallest shifts make the biggest impact.